Loneliness remembers what happiness forgets

All by Myself.” “All Alone Am I.” “Alone Again, Naturally.”

These songs with their melancholic melodies and soulful lyrics resonate with haunting sadness, that understandably leads to loneliness. It’s an experience brought on by losing the beloved who has gone home to the Father, or someone wondering where the love has gone. Parents faced with the empty nest syndrome may recall the words of Lebanese-American poet Khalil Gibran when he said “Your children are not your children; they came through you, but not from you …”

The gift of 75 years given me by God has led me to witness up close the loneliness brought about by being alone, a feeling that transcends gender, age, social status, and even religious persuasions. Wearing several hats in my relationship with different folks, I’ve realized that there are limitless causes and reasons for the mental anguish provoked by being alone and lonely. Victims or vulnerable souls include patients diagnosed with serious illness, students fearful of a failing grade, wives with cheating husbands, employees with a slave driver for a boss, and diligent individuals with power-tripping co-workers.

Social issues aggravate the anxiety: the sky-high price of basic commodities, lack of accessible health care, corrupt politicians, and the traffic gridlock. It appears that I know so much of the negative impact of being alone because of the realities of life’s difficulties. I’m like Superman whose strength melts when exposed to Krypton. I’m not shy to admit that many times, after sharing years of lovely moments with someone with visions of future togetherness, I’ve been suddenly abandoned by the inamorata unable to resist the temptation of greener pastures. But then again, I’ve always believed that “if you love someone, set them free.”

But I digress. To continue, should aloneness always translate to loneliness? Obviously, this is a question that mercifully begs for an answer that won’t however satisfy the angst of those suddenly overwhelmed by their being alone.

To say that emotions are complex is an understatement. Medical school taught us that there are six basic emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. Just like the colors of the rainbow, these emotions allow for shades and hues and can blend in layers or mix together.

I’m not a psychiatrist, not even the armchair variety, but my 75-year-old neurons—childhood memories stored in my frontal lobe and recent events registered in my temporal lobe—remind me that happiness is just lurking ahead, waiting to be summoned to make its dramatic rescue of suffering tortured souls.

The word “homunculus” in simpler terms, is the mapping of the different parts of the brain with their specific functions. The intricate network of nerve terminals and wirings, coupled with the more complex interactions of such happy hormones as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, working in harmony with memory modulator acetylcholine and pain-relieving endorphins, could suddenly bring forth feelings of supreme joy.

Alone and feeling lonely? But a person can still feel sad in the middle of a crowd! Life is made up of choices. Desiderata challenges: “Be careful, strive to be happy.”

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Victor Romulo Gallardo Dumaguing is an internist/volunteer doctor of the Federation of Baguio Senior Citizens Association whose seniors’ childlike antics give him a daily dose of belly-aching laughter and a 1,000-watt smile.