Sir, Mam as the case may be

I thought we should have a light but still serious start to the month of March, which has become identified, initially with women’s issues but is now expanded to broader gender concerns. Let me share an edited version of an email I just dashed off to two researcher colleagues after they sent me a draft article they’re doing for a scientific journal.

Thanks for sending the article. Just an initial comment on styling. I notice you use “Ma’m” a lot to refer to people you interviewed as well as other members of your research community and I realized maybe the two of you were not in my research methods class where I discussed the problem of “Sir” and “Mam” not being accepted styles for academic writing, for term papers, theses, dissertations, and journal articles.

It’s not academic snobbery here but the matter of gender, sir and mam bordering on the sexist. To be Mam alone, especially if she’s boss, is to be high and mighty, to be on a high horse to use the expression but note that you fall off the horse when Sir, any Sir, is around. Mams are, sadly, still seen as assistants to Sirs. Many of my feminist, and transgender, and non-binary friends (and me), find the terms cumbersome, old-fashioned, and even offensive.

Times change; just look at how Mrs. is disappearing and especially using Mrs. to mean “the wife of” as in Mrs. Juan de la Cruz. Never, never use that format; women have names of their own!

For some reason I have yet to figure out, Mam and Sir seem to leave people groping: “Mam, ay, sorry Mam, sir” and I always retort, “OK lang ang Mam … Sir” just to confuse them more!

Anyway, the “sirs” and “mams” in your articles complicate the lives of people like myself when we have to forward Filipino articles to non-Filipino journal or book editor who then ask about these “titles.” Together with two or three African countries that were under Britain, the Philippines has this distinct (dis)reputation of indiscriminately knighting males without the permission of the British monarch, now King Charles, Sir Charles, naku, whatever.

As for M’am that comes from Madam, which in its original French was “My lady” but “Madam” fell into street use to mean the owner or manager of a brothel.

I notice you also use “Ate” in your article for some of your informants, which I think might pass but you would need a footnote to explain it is a term of respect that means “elder sister” as with “Kuya” for an “elder brother” but we know in actual usage, we use it for people much older than ourselves, a sign, I think, of more democratic times. When I was younger, I remember a young or middle-aged woman would always be called “Miss,” even if very pregnant and/or towing two or three kids. Worse, males would be called “Boy” and not “Mister.” Later, we swung to the other end of the pendulum, everyone called “Boss” or a softer, almost affectionate version, “Bosing.”

Oh and I’m now remembering older women would automatically be called “Misis” but sometimes, if unmarried and with a sense of humor, would respond by pretending to be irritated and flirtatiously going, “Hoy, hindi Miss, kundi Missed.”

You cannot do a footnote to explain and justify “Sir” and “Mam” because there is just so much “wrongfulness” with the two terms and it’s time to set it right. Note that in University of the Philippines Diliman, which is (almost) always right (smile), we call our clerks and janitors and staff Kuya and Ate, Manong and Manang, even if the rest of society cling to Sir and Mam, now extended even for staff to staff conversations.

The quest for honorifics continues. In a college that I direct now, a male faculty once emailed me about a fellow male teacher, calling him Cher Vic (I changed the name), leading me to think, oh, oh, I didn’t know they’re a pair, especially because the guy was a very straight baritone and beard guy but then, why not? I did check later and found out they were not “cher” as in ma chérie or “my dear(est)” in French. Meanwhile, all the faculty call each other Cher rather than “Professor,” which, I’ve written in the past, should also be limited to those actually appointed Professor, which is often limited to faculty who have a Ph.D. and have taught for years.

Don’t forget, too we overuse “Doctor” and “Engineer” and “Architect” and all kinds of titles, then abbreviate them to be more informal. No, absolutely not, you may not use Doc in your journal articles because you’ll be remembered as Bugs Bunny chomping on a carrot.

mtan@inquirer.com.ph