Gone to the dogs

No, not the Philippines — at least not yet. My home. We have 19 dogs — yes, that’s right, 19. My wife dominates the field with 10. But they’re all tiny adorables: French bulldogs. My son and I trickle along behind. He has two Bull Terriers, a Saint Bernard, and a French Bulldog, too. I have three highly intelligent German Shepherds. Then, there are two guard dogs.

COVID-19 has brought stresses to the home, which a dog’s love and comfort can relieve. But even in normal times, one should have a dog. Particularly if you have kids, and what Filipino family doesn’t? Caring for a dog is a great way to learn responsibility and the joy of reciprocal love. “Askals” roam the streets, somehow missing being run over by careless drivers. They are part of a family that loves them.

We take care of dogs, but dogs also take care of us. They improve our mood, they relax the stresses we suffer. Just petting your dog lowers blood pressure and heart rate, slows breathing, and relaxes muscle tension, according to scientific research. Who wouldn’t want that? Dogs reduce stress, which is a major cause of cardiovascular problems. And don’t we all want our hearts to keep beating?

People walk more when they have a dog. A British study found a dog owner would walk 300 minutes a week, a non-dog owner only 100. Unfortunately, I must walk alone. My Sheps go uncontrollably crazy at the sight of another dog, or chicken, or anything else. They’re unsinkable, at least mine are. At first sight of water, they leap in and can stay for hours paddling happily around.

For tens of thousands of years, dogs protected us from wild animals by warning us early of approaching danger in exchange for food and the warmth of fire. Some 3,000 years ago, as the need for such protection diminished as civilizations grew, they became pets, some with specific functions. My German Shepherds, for example, were bred to herd sheep. And they still do (well, not mine). Saint Bernards were trained to rescue humans trapped in the snow with a small wooden cask of brandy hanging from their neck to revive the humans. Our Moet has such a cask kindly donated by the Swiss Ambassador when we acquired her. Mind you, she hasn’t rescued anyone yet. Except me when I’m far from the bar.

I’m not too sure what the function of a French Bulldog is. Certainly not to herd bulls. Just to be loveable, I guess. And to make sleep a little difficult when they herd onto the bed.

Dogs have a far greater sense of smell and hearing than us. I’ve often wondered why evolution didn’t create that same sensitivity in us “superior” humans. Their sense of smell is 1,000 times greater than ours. Which is why they are used to detect bombs. Some years back, we were departing New Zealand for Australia when the airport’s fancy, high-tech bomb detector detected explosives in our Kindle. Tests by another newfangled machine confirmed it. We senior citizens were obviously actually international terrorists smuggling a bomb onto the plane, so we couldn’t be allowed to board the flight. Some more enlightened officer decided to bring in a dog. The dog took one sniff, put up his nose, and jaunted away, completely disinterested. We missed our flight, at considerable extra expense.

They have now discovered that properly trained dogs can detect if a person has COVID-19, so we could do away with these questionable tests.

There’s a thing called Webex that is a superior tool for use in webinars, with clearer pictures, real-time translation and transcription, gesture recognition, among others. But it has a major weakness: It cancels out background noise, so you hear only the person speaking. Great, you say. Well, yeah, unless you’re me yelling at the dogs—“SHUT UP!” And the speaker (who can’t hear the noise-suppressed dogs) thinks I mean him—and gets hurt feelings. Of course, I could press “mute,” I suppose.

The loyalty of a dog is unquestioned, its love and affection for you a given. After my second shot of vaccine, I wasn’t feeling well, so I spent the day in bed. My female Shep joined me on the bed and licked me better. Watch “Red Dog,” a heartrending story of a dog whose master at an Australian mine died. The dog spent years searching for him. He was even smuggled onto an ore ship heading to Japan to search there, and never gave up. There’s a statue to him at the mine. It’s a true story.

Unconditional love. Devoted companionship. Constant entertainment. Could you want anything more? Just pick up their poo when you both walk outside.

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