1,234 letters

It’s not about “me” loving “you.” Don’t think of it that way.

This essay is one of the 1,234 letters that I have written for you. I do not know when, where or even how I will give it to you. I just wrote it addressed to you in advance hoping that you, my future partner, would admire my love for you.

It’s a cycle, a cliché scene in my mind wherein the boy-meets-girl setting ends up not-so-happily-ever-after. It’s common for you because you’ve experienced it time and time again. Kinda sucks, right?

Hey, let me tell you something. I experience it the same way you do. I’ve been on countless dates and flirty one-night stand(s) to ease up a lonely night.

I’ve been there and done that, too. All the heartbreak, the painful relationships you’ve ended because it didn’t matter to you anymore; I, too, experienced them all in hopes of finding my one true love.

And that is you.

If I had to do it again just to have that one chance of meeting you, all the pain and heartbreak will be worth it. You, whatever happens to you, are worth loving, and don’t you ever forget that. I love you.

So, how are you, how is my future love doing? Perhaps you are alone, doing the little things you do to keep yourself busy, doing what you love, killing time, all the things that I admire about you.

Or perhaps you were, or are, surrounded by your friends, whom I would eventually meet and invite to our wedding day.

Anyway, dear, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, whoever it is you are with, just keep doing what you are doing because it will lead to “us,” and every experience and event that transpires in your life is essential for us to meet.

I’ve always thought of meeting my soul mate in the most unexpected moments. For example, I imagined that I will meet you at a party, introduced as a friend of a friend.

Next thing—and perhaps the most obvious—is the third to seventh dates, my cheesy way of interrogating a potential partner to find out if a relationship is worth pursuing or not.

A spoiler, though: You passed the “test” and I was happy about it.

I would not spoil the details on how we really met. It may be next week, three months from now or a decade after today. It does not matter.

I am excited, though, because in those carefree times as a young adult, I chanced upon someone worth fighting for, worth sticking around, and worth all the pain I had to endure to keep our would-be relationship alive.

I am excited for you and the “past me,” for those two, unknowingly and absent-mindedly, walked the face of the earth, with career plans and juggling jobs, and found a person to share a mid-day downpour inside a coffee shop, to share laughter with, to share a lifetime with.

With this letter, one of the 1,234 that I will give to you, I hope to find you, and at the same time help other lovelorn beings like myself by offering to use this prose in the hopes of somehow finding the love they are also longing for.

I know that when I wrote this, I was languishing in my dark days and you are experiencing the same trials life was giving you.

I wrote this letter in hopes of clinging to anything resembling an old flame, vowing not to fall for the same tricks played on me.

I wrote this letter as a reminder to a distant version of myself wherein I am happy with someone I do not know as of now, a reminder to tell myself to hold on and ride with the waves of life and hope for better days.

Knowing that you are a sucker for things like this, I kept this letter so that you may know that when times get rough, you are my guiding light, my small glimpse of the closest silver lining I can get, the one I hold on to to tread past my dark days.

I locked those awful memories up and threw the key as far away from me as possible, hoping I would not be stupid enough to look for it once more. To my dismay, I forgot that you had a spare.

I realize every heartbreak and failed relationships I have endured are essential for our bond to be stronger than ever.

Vain attempts are presented in this essay as I try to get a hold of you without knowing who you are. I got through the worst years of my life because I planned to have a stable life with someone I did not know.

A long shot, but from the get go, it was worth it.

That is how I got through, and confessing it in this matter to you is pretty big for me.

I know that by telling this to you, it means that you are loved, even when you thought no one does. I cared and prayed for that someone to be safe, loved, and achieve more than what I can—and it has been you all along.

You may not know who I am as of now, but by reading this, you know that everything is worth it, a reminder that someone loves and wishes to protect you.

Hopefully we will meet when the right time comes, when our destiny unfolds right before us.

I may be a business analyst, a working student, a professional doctor, a street vendor, a hot model or your old, reliable “best” friend. Whoever I may be, I am unpredictable, much like life itself.

I started this letter to cling on what was left of my sanity during my dark days, praying and caring for the future I planned to have someday.

I ended it with thanking you in advance for our overflowing love.

It’s been a hell of a ride, at least I tell you that.

I wrote these letters, one of 1,234 letters addressed to you, with you in my mind and “us” in my heart. I promise to cherish the person you will become because in the near future, all the problems you are facing now will vanish and what will be left will be a smile on your face and a lilt in your heart.

I will look upon your beautiful eyes, thank God I had the guts to say “hi” to you, and thank him in advance, too, for the lifetime of happy memories He will soon give us.

It’s not about “me” loving “you.”

Think of it as “me” caring and loving the distant version of “us.”

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

—1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Christian Viñas, who goes by @cvmvinas on social media, says he is currently studying digital forensics at National University. If things go as planned, he plans to take up criminology after graduation. This essay, incidentally, contains 1,234 words and not letters, he says.

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