Crowned at last

Only a few are fortunate to be amply prepared for their lifelong aspirations. Some venture into opportunities despite their inadequacy for they know how rare these are. Many remain gazing at their ambitions on a distant horizon, stagnant yet hopeful. As for me, I had two weeks to transcend my used-to’s and naivete and to reach for my dream which was about 500 kilometers away, in both the literal and figurative sense of it.

The entire journey was an absolute challenge, but the most difficult part was the decision-making process. The sudden appearance of something that speaks of massive potential can be paralyzing. We instantly resort to the things we are obliged to sacrifice and question our capacity to attain that kind of greatness. A multitude of emotions consume us as we battle self-doubt with persistence.

Honestly, I almost let this opportunity slip through my fingers due to the fear common in humanity: fear of failure. I grasped it just before it fell to the floor, after I realized that it was exactly what I needed—to go as far as my dream could lead me. After all, we should base our decision, not on the probability of its success, but on how it will change our life, or at least thrill us to our bones.

The mere idea of participating in a beauty pageant ignited me, and for that I decided to exhaust my vacation leave, get a plane ticket, and fly into the unknown.

For two weeks I lived anew. I dwelled in my hometown, San Jose de Buenavista, the capital of the province of Antique, and enriched my understanding of the place. I gained more than what I had aimed for because not only did I become knowledgeable of it, I was also led back to my roots.

It was a complete recuperation from city life and a fulfillment to the soul. I made connections with familiar names, and gained relationships with the people of San Jose, people of genuine hearts. I was once again in bliss of being surrounded by those with the same heartbeat as mine.

Despite being away, I never felt alone. People nurtured my passion and determination each day, and poured their faith in me, fostering mine.

At first, I thought things were just happening in my favor. But then I realized that loneliness is nonexistent in a place where the concept of embracing the community and upholding cooperation is firmly instilled in its culture. Amid all the pressure and demands in preparing for my first beauty pageant, I still felt summer at its finest because I was not just in, but also with, San Jose de Buenavista.

The two weeks of training and prepageant activities redefined the old adage “Make each day count.” The mere motivation for me to get out of bed transformed into a compelling obligation. I truly needed to ensure my being able to reach the highest level of productivity each day in order to learn and attain things that would make me seem less of a first-timer. It was a lot of work, definitely. My potency on the catwalk, which I learned in my years of modelling, became a disadvantage because the pageant walk is a whole new story of posture, movements, facial expression and butt-swaying. The fact that I had to get rid of two inches off my belly consumed 90 percent of my free time, spent working out in the gym and resisting all savory temptations.

I also needed substantial knowledge of San Jose, its festivals and all, because I thought some interview questions might encapsulate these. Furthermore, thinking on my feet is not my forte. My mind can go wild with thoughts and ideas, and I have a tendency to blabber for an hour or just be in complete shock during on-the-spot situations. Hence, I allotted time to formulate techniques on how to prevent these circumstances from happening, in order to deliver in the Q&A portion in the best pageant way possible.

The days that I thought would be made up of blocking, dancing and hanging out with new friends were marked by thick San Jose handouts, late-night practice, intense workouts, running to places, a rumbling tummy and unfinished eye makeup. To top it off, I had yet to develop my practical knowledge of the local language, Kinaray-a. I understood the basic terminologies and frequently-used words, but there were times when I could not seem to fathom anything in the conversations in which I found myself engaged. Overall, everything was immensely exhausting—yet constantly exciting.

Even the pageant itself was a roller-coaster ride. My nerves shifted from those of a fifth-grader who could barely breathe before her piano recital to those of a singing Anne Curtis exuding an out-of-this-world confidence during her concert. And just as I was about to fully immerse myself in the moment during the swimwear portion, I tripped. Head up, smile on, project—and I exited, crushed. But I did not let such distress incapacitate me to move forward; I used it to set the stage on fire. I walked onto the stage with unceasing courage in the gown portion, and delivered in the Q&A. I rose from my misfortune with strength and elegance—and reigned.

My moment of triumph was surreal, yet I inhaled every bit of it. Amid overwhelming emotions and absolute disbelief, three words circulated in my mind: Crowned at last. “At last” encompassed not only the two weeks of intense preparation but also the years I kept this dream alive, despite how small the probability of it becoming reality.

Life is not a one-way road of societal norms and uncompromising obligations. Different paths intersect and the next thing you know, you are standing on the exact spot you had marvelled at from afar. All we truly need is the courage to keep going and to deviate from overly familiar signs every once in a while.

Contrary to the pessimistic views of most, I believe that everyone has numerous chances to say “Crowned at last” in their life. We just tend to remain in the comfort of our excuses, and the barriers of what-ifs. Desiring something is an insufficient measure to be worthy of it. Our willingness is what defines our capability to achieve it.

Life always dares us to be more; we just have to let ourselves be more even if it means jumping off a cliff or climbing a treacherous mountain when it teases us with our most-yearned-for things. At times, it is unnecessary to be fully ready before venturing into something. We just have to ignite the fire in our soul, and nothing will be insurmountable.

And if failure comes, we just have to let it burn as we reach for things that are temporarily within our grasp. If everything seems mundane, don’t stagnate. Keep your dream alive. Stay alive. Roads intersect. And at times, reality and all wonderful things meet.

Joan Bea Juada Lopez, 21, is a marketing officer in Xurpas Inc.