Find your own story

Women trying to cope with a breakup tend to talk about their stories (a lot). In times like these, our network of friends grows, for “love” is one topic that everyone can relate to. Love stories are the type of stories for which everyone has his/her own opinion.

Friends usually come to me for advice on love issues. Like any other opinionated individual, when it comes to matters of the heart I usually compare their situations with my own.

I actually meant “story” in its singular form for I have felt real love for a significant other only once in my life. Some may refute that for it didn’t last long. Hence, maybe it would be more appropriate to call it “deep” instead of “real.” I may have dated different men in the past years, but I have felt “deep” love only once.

I made excuses for prolonging my moving-on process for I have always thought my story was a unique one. When my friends started to drill things in my head, I didn’t exactly entertain the advice for I felt that I, or we, were different. I was always that stubborn.

Whatever it was that he felt for me—pity, flattery?—it didn’t matter.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to one important truth: He didn’t love me back. And he never will.

So, like any other story of heartbreak, of men taking advantage of women, of unrequited love, and of false hopes, mine was exactly all that.

But if there’s one good decision that may have made my story a little different, I never stopped trying to get myself out of that inferno. I know most people who knew the real story may find it difficult to believe. But even after putting myself down for years and being blinded by the awful truth about that “one guy,” I had enough will to move on. When I finally did, I just kept quiet.

For everyone who has undergone heartbreak, be it from a significant other or a failure in life, there is one best advice that is the key to overcoming everything: Love yourself.

After some time, there was nothing left to tell, no more stories to share. I just redirected my focus to improving my life and learning to love myself. I am taking small steps to get where I want to be. I am starting to appreciate the real beauty inside me. Once I have fully learned the secret to being happy without depending on anyone else, or any guy, for that matter, everything will fall in its right place.

I haven’t lost all hope of finding a match for myself. My stand remains that I do not have to settle for less. By that, I only have one important standard: He has to be that man who will make me love myself even more.

I know that someday, I shall find my own unique story.

“Mon,” 26, is an analyst for a multinational bank in Singapore.