Love yourself

Valentine’s Day is a typically busy holiday characterized by traffic and fully booked establishments. For mental health workers, it’s busy for a different reason: Valentine’s Day (along with Christmas) usually comes with spikes in the suicide rate. If the ER doctors fear New Year’s Eve, we fear Valentine’s Day.

Depression and anxiety are plagued with “should” statements. From “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” to “My life should be going in a different direction,” and ultimately to “I shouldn’t be here.” Nothing feeds the shoulds more than holidays full of social pressure and expectations. Certain holidays put pressure on individuals to feel a particular emotion. In the case of Valentine’s, there is a pressure to be happily in love. You are not meant to buy flowers for yourself or treat yourself to an expensive meal for one. Most of the menus and promos highlight that this holiday is for two. I saw one restaurant promo that highlighted their solo meals for V-Day—but you’d have to take a picture of yourself eating that solo meal and post it on social media to get the promo deal. I am assuming it was well-meant but it further perpetuated the humiliation factor of being single on such a holiday.

Single people are not the only ones to suffer from the holiday. People in relationships aren’t always guaranteed a night of joy and love. The expectation to provide a romantic experience can sometimes be so daunting that one or both are ultimately either disappointed or underappreciated. The most frustrating time to set up a romantic event is on V-Day, where every restaurant and flower shop are either fully booked or have raised their prices in anticipation of the demand.

I propose that we celebrate Valentine’s Day in a more inclusive and meaningful way that doesn’t jeopardize people’s mental health. Let’s remove the pressure of having to be in a particular relationship status. Your relationship status shouldn’t determine your right to celebrate Valentine’s Day, if you wish to do so. Let’s take the pressure off of our partners and of ourselves. Let Valentine’s Day be a reminder to simply love yourself.

What does it mean to love yourself? It means recognizing your inherent worth and value. It means knowing that you are the main character of your life — and all these relationships are just story arcs. These story arcs can be single-episode, multi-episode, or multi-season. The genre can be rom-coms, melodrama, or even horror. But what’s important to remember is that the main character outlives these story arcs, simply because there are always more stories to tell as long as the main character exists. You don’t like your current story arc? Change it. Look forward to the new stories that are yet to come. You despair because your life isn’t a rom-com? You may not realize it, but perhaps your life is instead a coming-of-age story or one of empowerment. A happy ending doesn’t always have to end up with a wedding and a musical number. Sometimes the best ending is when the main character learns to stand up for themselves and walk away.

Lots of miracles can happen when we love ourselves. We set high standards because we know we deserve them. We won’t settle for anything less than we deserve (also holds true for the elections!) because we know that if we do share our lives, it will be with someone good and worthy. We don’t let others dilute the richness of our lives but choose to let them in only if they’ll help us grow. We don’t let society or peer pressure determine how we should live our lives, because we know our personal values and ideals are worth fighting for.

We can generate joy even when we’re alone because we like ourselves. We don’t hesitate to pursue what makes us happy, be it as small as watching K-drama or as big as pursuing our dream career. People who love themselves also don’t shy away from hard work if they know that their goal is worth it. We don’t judge ourselves for what we like. If we want to spend all day indoors reading a book or bingeing a TV series, we do it with relish. If we want flowers, we go out and buy them—no need to wait for others to gift them.

A genuine holiday should be something we can celebrate no matter our relationship status. A holiday shouldn’t be about what we receive from others but simply a matter of either celebration or commemoration. Celebrating our love for ourselves is something everyone can do, young or old, single or married.

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