Imelda, ‘Ang Probinsyano’ and power naps

A new research published in the journal Pediatrics revealed that most babies (57 percent) do not sleep through the night. That explains why President Duterte missed those events at the Asean Summit.

Last Wednesday, President Duterte skipped several events at the 33rd Asean Summit in Singapore. His spokesperson said he “took power naps.” To be fair, Mr. Duterte’s absence in those events was the country’s brightest moment during the five-day summit.

Imelda Marcos has been found guilty of seven counts of graft. But the former first lady is still running for governor of Ilocos Norte next year, because she says she wants to serve her constituents. She can actually do something even better: serve her prison term.

Mrs. Marcos failed to attend the promulgation of the guilty verdict, saying she was “suffering from multiple organ infirmities.” Even her organs are sick of her.

Mrs. Marcos skipped the promulgation because she was reportedly sick that day—although she partied that same night. Then on Friday, she claimed she didn’t know about the promulgation at all. Do you remember the saying, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw?” In some cases, “Ang sinungaling at magnanakaw ay iisa lang.”

Last Friday, the Sandiganbayan allowed Imelda Marcos to post P150,000 bail for her provisional liberty—giving her yet another reason to party.

Imelda is already 89 years old. According to a medical certificate from the St. Luke’s Medical Center, she has seven ailments. And yet, she’s still very strong and full of life. Some say it’s stem cell. Others believe it’s formalin.

The former first lady has yet to release an official statement on the court’s ruling. But some sympathizers have expressed their support for her, like Quezon  Rep. Danilo Suarez, Sen. Cynthia Villar and the Philippine National Police.

PNP Director General Oscar Albayalde got flak for making comments on the impending arrest of Mrs. Marcos. Albayalde said, “Baka magalit sa atin, matanda na. May edad na kasi.” Thank you, Sir, for letting us know who was being referred to in the PNP motto, “To serve and protect.”

The PNP chief gave us the impression it would be difficult to arrest Imelda because of health, age, and the fact that her last name is neither De Lima nor Trillanes.

Amid the barrage of criticisms being hurled against him on the Imelda Marcos issue, Albayalde complained about “Ang Probinsyano,” the most popular prime time series today. The distraction worked. We all fell for it. Congratulations!

The PNP chief scored the negative depiction of policemen in the prime time series. Albayalde said the portrayal is unfair to the police force. “I so agree,” said Imelda Marcos.

Albayalde insists the inaccurate depiction of cops in the prime time series gives a bad impression of police officers. Albayalde should be thankful. The impression would have been a lot worse if the depiction was truly accurate.

Former Makati City mayor Jejomar Binay claimed he was cheated in the 2016 presidential election. (No need for a punch line.)

Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. On Twitter: @HecklerForever8; blog archive: professionalheckler.com