I finished BS Nursing but, guess what, I don?t want to pursue the profession anymore. Not surprisingly, I have received a lot of flak for turning in this direction. People, especially my family and relatives, think that I?m passing up a totally perfect opportunity to earn big bucks?this, aside from wasting four years of college.

Actually, I wanted to shift to another course but I didn?t have the money to start over. So I just decided to finish my nursing course. An unwise decision? Maybe.

People see the nursing profession as the quickest way to financial success. They think that once you?ve finished the course, you can quickly go to the United States to work and earn those much-coveted dollars. But it?s not that simple. The process goes like this: (1) finish BS Nursing, (2) take the local board exams, (3) get a work experience here in the Philippines, (4) pass those exams that the US government requires foreign nurses to take, (5) go to an employment agency to help you get a job in the ?States,? (6) save a lot of money for plane fare, apartment, and other expenses. So, as you can see, ladies and gentlemen, becoming a nurse in the ?States,? or anywhere abroad, is rather a complicated process that entails a lot of money?the No. 1 thing that I lack the most. So a BS Nursing degree does not even get you halfway the entire process. And because I don?t have the money to go through the whole process, I have decided to quit the nursing profession even before I have gotten to practice it. Plus, I?m not stupid enough to leave my friends, family and my music for something that I don?t even have a passion for. To me, that is suicide.

The question now is: ?What are you going to do then, Rap?? Well, I really don?t have concrete plans yet, but I do have things in mind. Once I shall have saved enough money, I?ll put up my own business. And of course, I?m going to continue making music.

I know that my future is kind of uncertain as of the moment, but I know I?ll make it through. I know what I am capable of, that?s why I know I can go places. I have battled with hundreds of demons before. What?s a couple of hundreds more?

I know, and so am I told, that what I?m doing is tremendously risky. One day you see your future vividly, the next thing you know, everything has turned pitch black. The thought of having an uncertain future is as frightening as hell; you don?t know where to go, you don?t know what to do, and the most frightening of all: you?re the only one who could help your helpless self. When your life is on the line, yes indeed, you should be scared.

Don?t get me wrong though. This doesn?t mean that I?m willing to lose or that I?m giving up. I have a heart?and that?s all I need. I want to put up my own business, release an album with my rap group, write articles for magazines, and a whole lot more. Yes, there are a lot of things I want to do in my lifetime, but I will never be able to fulfill any of them if I pursue a career in nursing.

People might say that my dreams are worthless or I?m being immature, but who doesn?t dream? Personally, I think dreams are among those things that make us human. And with the kind of drive or motivation I have, nothing can stop me.

I have friends in college whose dreams are entirely not related to nursing. There?s one girl who wants to be a fashion designer, there?s one dude who wants to pursue a career in music, so on and so forth. Unfortunately, all of them are currently trying to get themselves ?transplanted? to the States. But those who have made it to the States, they?re either homesick or harassed by racist Americans.

I guess this is what separates me from the rest of them: I have the guts to take myself out of my ?comfort zone? and try to realize what I really want in life. If I fail, it will be alright. Yeah, that may be like jumping off a cliff with the thought that I can fly and soar in the sky; and that I could end up plunging back to earth. Honestly, I would go for that than living a life that I do not want. I would rather jump off a cliff and hit the ground than ask later ?Why the hell didn?t I jump??

I dreamt of performing my own original music when I was a kid?I have done that. Our group?s album is halfway done. I have faced the tyranny of poverty and survived. I have a stable job. And moreover, I am about to write a piece for a magazine. These accomplishments may not be spectacular or they may not yield much profit, but if my dreams are slowly coming into reality . . . now that?s something.

Think of the people who have spent their whole lives trying to achieve their dreams, those who died without achieving their dreams, and those who spent their lives with no dreams at all. Now, that?s downright sad, ain?t it? That said, let me leave you with a couple of questions: Do you have the guts to go for and get what?s rightfully yours? So far, what have you done to achieve your dreams? And most importantly, do you even have a dream of your own?

(Ralph D. dela Fuente, 23, is a customer service representative for Convergys, Ortigas.)