Introspection

To find meaning, live one’s life meaningfully, and staying in that path all the way is what I intuitively wanted for myself as a young Filipino in my thirties. It was not very clear in my mind, but it was powerful enough in my gut because I initiated changes, radical by my standards, in my life from then on.

That was over forty years ago. The journey I chose to take had some detours, and what I had hoped to achieve did not often materialize. I am a lifelong learner still struggling to integrate lessons learned, hoping to be always mindful of the mistakes along the way. In search of something better where it matters, I have had to shed off what matters less.

Easier said than done, though. The superficial is not easily discarded for the essential and not understanding this brought me a lot of pain. Human societies hover largely over the superficial and learn to adjust to complications faster than simplicity. In a human existence where money is regarded as God, it declares the surface as superior to the essential. And so, it remains.

We need our human senses to appreciate what may be on the surface, but the same human senses must enter introspection to understand what lies beneath the surface. I hope that the dominant forces of humanity return to sanity and accept that what we need to survive and thrive are mostly free and well prepositioned. Fire, earth, water, air. Humans will die without these but more of us will die before our natural life span because we do not have enough money.

When I deliberately sought for meaning and substance in my life, I realized that I was neither unique nor alone. As I began to appreciate what I had previously undervalued, it dawned on me that I wanted others to also find meaning in the natural and simple. The problems that I saw affecting me were affecting other Filipinos as well. In other words, humans had distinct and unique traits but had even more commonalities. I knew then that my well-being was inevitably connected to the whole.

It seemed very strange to relatives and friends that I was shifting from a very corporate lifestyle towards community development. Admittedly, I also felt a bit strange, but I was harvesting a lot of psychic income from the process. Something new, something fresh, and always something learned every day. Even though I spent more time in the foothills of a great mountain with much smaller communities than the metropolis, I found new and many more friends quite easily.

I also found poverty without intending to. I guess poverty is so everywhere that it is impossible to hide. Yet, I did not see it before. Or I did not care enough to see it. On the other hand, I knew about corruption. I just thought it could not be avoided and slowly developed a tolerance for it.

Again, introspection helped me understand why a meaningful life cannot co-exist with corruption. Two colliding forces, two opposing values, and only compromise and tolerance by the non-actively corrupt can give a semblance of a relative co-existence. Only temporarily so, however, as one or the other will finally have to submit to the other.

While I thought, and wanted, to find a spiritual path that would change my life for the better, it was soon obvious that I had to appreciate the greater world around me, starting with small communities I was starting to know. It was not deliberate, but poverty staring me in the face made me question why that is so and what was causing it. Naturally, I was led to the only answer – corruption born from the greed of people to take care of themselves with little or no regard for others.

I began more than 40 years ago. Ferdinand E. Marcos was still one half of the conjugal dictatorship. It is now the term of his son, Ferdinand Jr., and the closure I was hoping for is turning out to be a second chance in for the Marcoses to prove that a failed legacy was, in fact, a golden one. I never believed that the 2022 elections were clean because the massive vote-buying activities stood out.

But Rodrigo R. Duterte was a critical part in giving this second chance to the Marcoses. It matters little that their forces are locked in a deadly battle for supremacy, and saying nabudol siya is literally no excuse. They remain a Uniteam believing in the same values and practicing those same values as they try to destroy one another. Both are lukewarm towards finally breaking the back of poverty and both have been involved in scandals of corruption.

What, then, is the right path for us who do not subscribe to the Marcos or Duterte ways? Perhaps, because I am nearing the octogenarian zone, I have much less thoughts and energy for wanting a radical upheaval. I have experienced sincere attempts of different national leaderships in the last forty years to reverse the tide of poverty and corruption. There were actual successes, but not enough to inspire most people to embrace our lofty cultural heritage, the values our ancestors built up through the centuries and bequeathed to us.

I believe I have been deep in my introspection, and my conclusions today about the needed change have an unbiased basis. Of course, my deep abiding hope comes from spiritual learning and my views of the future are necessarily lined with hope, But I have lost the total grip of time over me and do not put time frames especially on the collective conditions that not only allow disruptive change but can cause it.

It is my conviction that the great moment of change is near, though it will just be the beginning of a long and arduous process. But Filipinos need a second chance more than any political family or dynasty, and if we want it enough, it will no doubt happen.