Youngblood
The brave bunch
By Mary Tyrene L. Delgado
Inquirer
First Posted 01:13:00 12/15/2007
Filed Under: Diseases, Human Interest
MANILA, Philippines--I consider myself lucky to have been in the company of the bravest bunch of people anyone will ever meet. The members of this group are not trained to develop courage the way soldiers are taught to be. They are not paid to defy the laws of gravity like stuntmen. And unlike thrill-seekers, they do not cheat death just for the so-called “rush.”
They are brave because they find themselves in a situation that forces them to be brave. They fight because losing is not an option. Every day they do their best to defeat the challenges brought about by a glitch in nature. They cheat death because staying alive is the better choice.
They are kids. Kids who happen to be sick. Kids who happen to have cancer.
I wish I could say there are only a few of them, but the turnout of sick children during the Christmas party last Dec. 7 at the Philippine Children’s Medical Center, sponsored by Project: Brave Kids, showed there are many of them. And the faces I saw at the party were but a few among the many ailing children from one department of one hospital here in our country. The disturbing fact is that there are many other such children out there.
The sight of such children used to feel like a quick, if brief, stab in the heart for me. I would feel sorry for them, but promptly turn to the next page of the newspaper I was reading or switch to another channel showing something lighter than a bald, sick kid asking for help.
Everything changed six years ago when my youngest brother became one of them. At the age of 7, Nichi was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia. Then sick children ceased to be merely statistics or pictures to me. Sick children became a reality that hit me, as well as the rest of my family, so hard it seemed impossible to recover from its blow.
But Nichi, just like his friends, was brave. Probably the bravest. I never thought he had it in him to fight so gallantly, but his disease made a warrior out of him. He would offer the doctors his hand, his back and even his pelvis for the injection of chemo drugs, intrathecal, and bone marrow aspirations. He’d try to ignore the torture of his regular medical procedures by focusing on the incentive we offered him: a meal at McDonald’s, one order of “chao fan” with soup at Chowking, a chicken meal at KFC or sisig at Dencio’s.
Amid his treatment, he always remained positive that his sacrifices, that enduring the pain of one needle after another puncturing his young skin, would be rewarded. He never lost his sense of humor or his “star qualities.” He continued to sing and dance as if nothing was wrong with him. He never stopped dreaming and building up ambitions for the future.
Of course, Nichi had his low moments. Sometimes he cried, but he didn’t let feeling sorry for himself rule him. He knew when to admit that he was afraid, and this made him braver. At one point, he lost his vision on his left eye, but it didn’t stop him from joining and winning drawing contests. He did worry about his good eye, but I remember him telling me, “OK na rin lang na mawala ’yung isa kong mata. At least, hindi ko na kailangang mag-alala parati.” [“It’s OK if I lose my other eye. At least, I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.”]
Despite religiously following his doctors’ orders, Nichi’s body had its limits. Early this year, his condition started to deteriorate. This happened a few months after he lost his vision. Armed with a strong will, Nichi did everything he could to remain in control of his body. Although he could hardly hold a microphone, he still tried to hit the notes while lying down because that was what he was -- a performer who wanted to sing. Even when his motor skills were betraying him, he did his best to press the keys of his green PlayStation 2 control pad because that was who he was -- a child who wanted to play.
Eventually, his body’s weakness hindered him from doing the things he loved to do. He was in tears when he said: “Wala nang adventure ang buhay ko. Parati na lang ako tulog-gising, tulog-gising.” [“There’s no more adventure in my life. All I do is sleep and wake up, sleep and wake up.”]
This was a 13-year-old boy who wanted to live. Perhaps, that was the most painful thing about letting Nichi go. We all knew that given a choice, Nichi would rather keep on fighting. After all, he had all the reasons to live. But what had to happen was beyond any of us. On the night of July 24 this year, my youngest brother, the bravest person I knew, let out his final breath in the presence of the people who loved him most.
Until his final hour, Nichi was aware of what was happening to him and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before the inevitable came. My Dad mustered the courage to tell him, “Kapag pagod ka na, pwede ka nang sumama kay Papa Jesus.” [“If you feel tired, then you may go to Papa Jesus.”] Nichi matched Dad’s courage by nodding.
Nichi died peacefully. He didn’t struggle. He didn’t show any signs of fear. His lifeless body was decorated with a smile on its face.
Christmas Eve will mark the fifth month of Nichi’s death. I’m afraid that it will be our saddest Christmas of all.
This was why I insisted that our family should be part of the Christmas party for children like our Nichi. So that the bereaved sister, brother, mother and father might still feel the beauty of Christmas. So that after losing what little strength we have because of grief, we can draw some courage from children who, like Nichi, really have no room for fear in their lives.
Nichi in his short life has become our family’s source of strength. Now that he is no longer around, we feel a little lost. But being in the company of sick kids who probably are the bravest bunch of people one will ever meet, my family’s hurt has been partly healed. We each needed the strength those kids radiated. We needed to be infected by their bravery so that we can again hope that despite all that happened, everything will be OK some time soon.
Mary Tyrene L. Delgado, 27, is a senior product planner for Hallmark Cards.
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