Waiting, hoping

EVERY MORNING when the sun rises, the first thing I do is say a prayer for you. I pray that you open your eyes with a smile that has the same sliver of hope as mine. I hope that you’re looking for the same question in my head, the one that is written in my heart.

I have been hurt and shattered so many times in the field of love. I have been left and taken for granted. I am fragile, and every time I fall and break apart, I pick up my broken pieces all by myself. And when I piece myself whole again, someone is bound to come, then go and leave a scar. I have gotten so used to solitude that no amount of songs about moving on can heal my soul, not even my wounded ego.

I can think of my love life as a thousand-piece puzzle, and I wonder about the level of progress I have made before you come into the picture. To take hold of the pieces of you that will perfectly fit into the pieces of me is the nicest piece of art for me. Each encounter with a wrong person, in which I invested so much time and feelings, pushes me to destroy what I have created, to erase the past, and perhaps, to start over again. But that’s not the way it works. It remains in the picture. It’s a part of the growing up that I need when I finally have to be with you.

A lot of times I can’t help but ask. Where on God’s Earth will I find you? Will I meet you in a bus and have the best conversation of my life with you? Will I share an umbrella with you on a cold, rainy afternoon? Will you sit in front of me in the jeepney, our eyes sparkling like incandescent bulbs and our hearts beating fast amid the traffic? Do you think God will give us a sign and tell us right at the moment that we were made for each other? Or are we just parallel lines that will never meet?

For now, I can only wait and hope. I will endure the pain and heartbreak that will come along the way if it means it will bring me closer to you. I will wait for an infinite time until I walk down the aisle on my wedding day with the blissful thought that my patience has led me to the right one, to you. And I will keep hoping in true love until the day comes that I believe it, when I take a chance in you.

Juna Alyanna Grimaldo, 22, is a research analyst in a Filipino snack food company and writes a blog.