Love’s alphabet

A. Almost. They say it’s the saddest word in the English language. You have proven that for me. It’s the closest I ever got to know love. I almost loved you—that I am sure. Almost, but not quite.

B. Butterflies don’t give justice to the knots in my stomach at the very thought of you. Valentine’s Day 2014, do you remember? It was the day you finally knew of my existence. We took a picture together. You put your arm around me. You smiled that wonderful smile for which I would give anything to be the reason, and in that moment I was. Since then, it’s been rainbows and Butterflies with you around.

C. You can’t imagine how my heart physically manifests my feelings for you the moment you walk through those double doors. My heart’s a mess with you around. You are stronger than Coffee. No amount of Caffeine can fuel me like you do. Why can’t we start our own Cliché and fall in love at a coffee shop already? Oh, wait, for a second I forgot you would never ever want me.

D. You are a completely foreign feeling. You are a code I cannot crack. Tell me how to Decipher you.

E. Ezra Faulkner. I love that you watch “House” and read Harry Potter. I hate that you remind me of the main character from my favorite book I read the summer I tried to forget about you. And you know what, sometimes I wish you were…

F. Fictional, existing in an exquisitely structured plot with meticulously written words I wrote. You would say the perfect words in impeccable timing, inevitably making me fall in love with you. In this world, I am your definition of unrequited.

G. Imagine my reaction when I learned we were classmates in this one subject. I felt electricity run through every fiber of my being when you sat next to me. Don’t be the one that Got away.

H. You Haunt me in ways only I understand. I see you in every guy with rimmed glasses. Your voice resonates when I hear “Chasing Cars.” I smell you in the odor of Pepper Lunch. I feel your presence in coffee shops. You asked me once, “What do you want to eat?” In my mind I thought of how your lips would taste. In my mind I replied: You.

I. I find you in every word I write.

J. The first letter of her name. It was a Wednesday—the first time I saw you two together. Now, Mondays feel like a dip in the beach on a hot summer day and Wednesdays, the ocean. It’s like I’m drowning, gasping for air, but the current keeps pulling me down.

K. Hope Kills. It’s like you infect me. You are slowly Killing me without you knowing. With your subtle moves, your flirty gestures, your flowery words, your kind actions, you are making me hope.

L. Let me wallow in my self-inflicted agony and contempt for you just a Little bit Longer.

M. You’re More difficult to forget than Math 11. Remember when I threw a pizza party and my friends spiked your drink and you walked me home? You are a bad habit I keep slipping back into. It’s pathetic how it’s still you.

N. You derail my train of thought. It would be great if you left and Never came back.

O. Our feelings are now mutual I don’t want you either.

P. I will never be your Person. Maybe we’re better off without each other. Maybe we’re meant to be extraordinary apart rather than ordinary together.

Q. Like Quartz, I need enough time and enough space to be in perfect condition and finally void of any thoughts of you.

R. Your voice still Resonates.

S. Seriously, I hope you lose your Ed Sheeran tickets.

T. Tell me what happy looks like to you. Does it look like uno on a major, a trip out of town with your mom, coming home, or your beautiful, bubbly buddy?

U. I can’t believe I still think of U.

V. I left for Vietnam in December in the hope of finding myself instead of waiting for someone to find me. I thought I’d ditch you and go for the adventure. But, crap, I found out you were going there, too.

W. You used to be the World, and now you’re just a speck in it.

X. cuse my Econ reference—we are the average fixed cost and average total cost. We get closer and closer but nothing will ever happen.

Y. You are starting to drift away and I do not mind at all.

Z. Maybe one night when you’re in med school you’ll miss me at 3 a.m. Maybe then you’d be the one pining. What if we’re each other’s “last,” after all? Z.

Twenty-six letters later, you’re still my favorite feeling. It’s a never-ending relapse, into you, my greatest A (almost).
Criscel Recinto Consul, 18, is a sophomore at the University of the Philippines Manila.