Antisocial media

I don’t have Facebook. Everyone always gives me a puzzled look whenever I say that. I bet some of you would react similarly and are asking why. Everyone seems to want to know why. It seems that not having a Facebook account in these modern times is unheard of and is the cyberworld’s version of being antisocial.

I used to have a live Facebook account. I signed up in 2007, back when the social media giant was still relatively unknown in the Philippines, back when everyone I knew was still busy writing testimonials in Friendster. I signed up to Facebook because a friend told me it was fresh and not too crowded. Eventually, Facebook started to gain ground in the country and everyone ended up on the site. From just sending special drinks and animated gifts and poking friends, Facebook evolved to become the ultimate social media site, providing platforms for communication, gaming, photo sharing, and everything else in between. Slowly, and without me noticing, it became a significant part of my life.

I hate to admit it, but I became enslaved to social media. I could not get through one day without checking my account. Sure, I had other social media accounts, but none was as important to me as my Facebook account. I checked it upon waking up, during breaks, and before going to bed. Everything that happened to me during the day seemed to be status-worthy. I played around with words and phrases in my head so I could come up with a status update that would make me sound cool and witty. “Likes” and comments started to matter more and more. It felt good to get so many “likes” and comments, like it was some sort of necessary validation for my being. I looked at my friends’ photos and updates and reveled at how wonderful everyone’s lives seemed to be and how everyone I know seemed to be leading a charmed life. I devoured every article shared, especially those about twentysomethings.

I did not notice that my life practically revolved around social media. Making my life an open book for all of my connections to see did not seem out of the ordinary. And then one day, it all felt suffocating and too intimate for my liking. Maybe it was a number of small things that had always been there, piling up little by little, until I could no longer take it.

What made it suffocating? I had more than 1,000 “friends.” While I knew all of them, I hadn’t seen or spoken to most of them in years. Suddenly, all the “likes” and comments, especially for what were controversial posts, seemed intrusive. I realized that at this point in my life, I only wanted the opinion of those who actually mattered to me and those who actually cared for me. I was oversharing and baring my soul to 1,000 people, most of whom didn’t really care about what was happening in my life but wanted to know anyway.

I started to limit my posts and made my privacy settings more rigid. But that wasn’t enough. I still checked my account frequently. I could still see everyone’s posts about their absolutely wonderful lives. I grew resentful of peers who could afford to travel to foreign lands while I slaved away in the corporate world. I became insecure of people who didn’t gain weight after university and those who gracefully grew out of their awkward teenage phase. Everyone seemed to live a better life than me; everyone seemed to have it better; everyone seemed to be more beautiful, more fit, more comfortable, more wealthy, more everything.

It didn’t stop there, however. People did not seem content to just share their picture-perfect lives. They just had to start sharing supposed inspirational articles about twentysomethings. I began to question my abilities with each article I read. I apparently did not amount to something. Five years into my twenties and I still haven’t traveled around the world, nor have I moved out; I have neither made smart investments nor made a millionaire of myself. I don’t have a graduate degree and I don’t have a title; I’m not in a stable relationship that will end up in marriage and I don’t go out with friends every weekend.

I was not living my twenties the way the articles say I should. In between browsing through picturesque posts and reading inspirational articles, I became more and more insecure. This insecurity only added fuel to the fire that is my quarter-life crisis. The knowledge that everyone consciously paints a charming personality online did not help. It was not enough to make me feel better about myself.

And that was when I decided to deactivate my Facebook account indefinitely. I no longer wanted to limit social interactions online. I actually wanted to be with people and talk to them. I wanted to share my life’s ups and downs with real friends. I needed to be with people who value me and who actually want to be a part of my life, to share moments of my life with me. I wanted to reconnect with people personally and make time for them.

I no longer wanted “likes” and comments to matter. I no longer wanted to need constant validation from others. I wanted to let go of feelings of resentment for not being rich enough or skinny enough or pretty enough. I reminded myself that I was created complete and I grew up well-loved and full of love, and that is more than enough to last me several lifetimes. I also did not want to be limited by others’ idea of the twenties. We all lead different lives and I should be able to do the things I love at my own pace, without pressure from others, especially not from strangers. In the end, I just didn’t want to be enslaved by a supposedly harmless tool.

Facebook and most of the other social media platforms were created with only the best intentions. On hindsight, I guess I was too immature and emotional to have been a responsible user.

It has only been a few months since I deactivated my account, but the cloud has started to lift. I’m still a work in progress. Every day I continue to struggle with my insecurities and this so-called quarter-life crisis, but every day I make the conscious choice to appreciate the little things that make my life great. I find it absolutely liberating to pay more attention to life as it happens, without thought of how I can make it fit for a status update or how I can capture the moment for a photo that will surely get a lot of likes. I find it immensely rewarding to celebrate my achievements, without anyone telling me that I should have achieved those years earlier.

I’ve forgotten how beautiful this world is and how wonderful it is to fall in love with life every day. I say, enough of social media and the negativity that it has bred in my life. I wish to have a real life, lived outside the confines of a gadget. I intend to live my life and chase my dreams in the real world.

Maria Monica Cueto, 25, says she is a dreamer who refuses to let social media, the corporate world, and Philippine politics get her down.