The difficult woman

Somewhere along the way, you meet a woman who’s kind of larger-than-life: beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, and confident—the “total package,” they’d say.

Except that she can’t find one person to call friend or partner, even though she’s got a good family background and she hangs out with people of her class. And you ask yourself, “God, what is her problem?”

Cold and distant. Daunting and manipulative. A totally demanding persona. She treats other people like lowly, loyal subjects in her grandiose kingdom. She’s the so-called “difficult woman,” and she is everywhere.

She’s the ambitious female her “good-for-nothing” admirers find very hard to understand and please. She’s the perfectionist mother who constantly reminds her children to compete, to always win first place and bring honor and recognition for the family. She’s the grumpy old teacher who terrorizes students with exams that are impossible to pass. And she’s the demanding lady boss who’s aloof and intimidating and regularly fires employees for incompetence. (I bet you are familiar with Anna Manalastas from the TV series “100 Days To Heaven” and her famous line “You’re fired! Kuha mo?”)

Inside the “flawless” world of the difficult woman, everything is calculated—even the act of playing in the rain, or the simple joy of gazing at the stars (save that for publicity). She’s eternally rational and emotionally unavailable.

She would tell people she’s simple, and she only wants to be happy in life. The problem is, happiness comes too hard for her because she’s impossible to please. She’s always wary of people’s intentions, always finding fault in everything. She may compliment people’s efforts to please her by saying “good,” but it is more of a reminder to render better service than an expression of sincere appreciation.

How did she end up being difficult? Her past may hold the answer. In most cases, she was raised by difficult parents who instilled in her the value of excellence. Or she could be that naïve girl who got hoodwinked big time, driving her to lose faith in humanity.

It is remarkable to note though that these women society describes as “difficult” are oftentimes (if not always) nonconformists who are able to establish a name in this (still) patriarchal world, where politics is dominated by men. Can you imagine what these women have to go through and bear just to build a name for themselves? They risk being called indifferent and incapable of feeling or caring, which oftentimes actually means being wicked.

Should we tolerate the difficult woman just because she’s been through hard times in life? Definitely not. Women (and the rest of humanity) are more admired for their resilience than for their being “unbeatable.”

Is there any chance for the difficult woman to change? Very slim. But instead of hoping for miracles that will make the difficult woman change her outlook in life, the best way to survive in a world with her is simply to meet her standards. A difficult woman is “difficult” because she has standards that are difficult to meet.

If you don’t want to live your life in the shadow of a difficult woman, then pack up your things and leave her.

But if you decide to live with her, you can survive each day just by meeting her standards—after all, you have already accepted those standards the moment you agreed to live with her. Call her evil and all, but she will inculcate in you the virtue of efficiency and excellence like no one else can.

When dealing with her, instead of allowing your sanity to take flight, treat her instead with respect while standing firm for what you believe in.

(It has been five years, I know, but) remember the last part of the famous Anna Wintour-inspired movie “The Devil Wears Prada”? The protagonist Andy finally stops working for her difficult boss Miranda Priestley. When she applies for a new job, the interviewer reveals that Miranda had told him Andy was her biggest disappointment. But the interviewer says he would be an idiot if he did not hire Andy. When Andy and Miranda meet in the final scene, Andy smiles at her former boss but the latter acts as if she does not recognize her. Inside the car, however, Miranda puts on a soft smile before riding away.

The difficult woman dislikes people who fail her expectations, but she’s indifferent to those who cannot think for themselves—the reason why she sees and treats them as mere tools.

Gets mo?

Giusepphine T. Barro, 26, is a systems administrator and technical writer for a US-based IT company.