Schooling was never the problem; I was

I am slowly drifting away from the sea of graduates in which I should be included. I will not be wearing a blue graduation dress, shedding tears while listening to our speakers’ messages, and holding my grandma’s hand as we walk up the stage.

I will not be graduating next year. I probably won’t graduate anytime soon.

I was 16 when I entered the university. I was ecstatic, for I had enrolled in the course that I chose. I was so glad to be granted the opportunity to actually enroll in the course that I wanted.

I had no trouble with finances because my father, a lawyer, paid for my tuition and gave me a sufficient allowance. I am lucky—very lucky indeed.

During the first semester of my first year in college, I was that gullible and excited student that you often see in going-to-college movies. I was so fascinated with the “grownup” vibe of my campus. I felt mature. I felt independent. I felt accepted.

In high school, I was the typical geek-freak that everyone bullied. I was clearly different from my classmates, but I didn’t mind. I focused my mind on studying because I knew that I was going to school every day to study, not to be popular. This thinking was the spark that lit up the catastrophe that I am in right now.

I am in the third year of my journalism course, and I am nowhere near satisfied with my grades. It was in the second semester of my first year in college that I started slacking off. I joined the staff of the college publication, thinking that it would help me learn more about journalism. Yes, being in the publication was a great help to my education, but it came to destroy my academic performance.

I stopped studying during that semester. My reason: Schooling is for idiots.

I resumed my studies in the first semester of my second year. I was 23 units behind my batch, but I just told everyone that I would catch up. I never did. My laziness continued, with my transcript of records now dotted with the red ink of failed marks and dropped subjects.

I knew that it wasn’t because I was dumb. It was because I was stubborn. I missed classes in a number of subjects in which I had enrolled. I was wasting money and time, but I was too naive to realize it.

I thought I was good because I was performing well in the field I had chosen. I thought my grades did not reflect what I was as a campus journalist. I was wrong.

My grades reflected my performance as a student and my attitude as a daughter. I was one of the worst students that I had ever met. No, scratch that, I was the worst. I didn’t attend my classes, yet I was confident that I was good. I wasted my father’s money just because of my stupid ideas.

I wasted three years, and now I am regretting every wasted second. I was a photojournalist, writer, managing editor, associate editor, and copy editor of our college publication. My transcript of records is red all over, and I struggle with schooling because I am squeezed in three different curriculums. I have wasted my father’s money and am now making up reasons that I will still be admitted in our college for the coming semester. I will not be graduating on time, or any time soon.

But I am optimistic.

I want to succeed for my family, for the person who inspires me, and for myself. I want to serve my country and my people. I am going to persevere. This summer, I plan to work in any establishment so that I can save for my tuition. I am going to be kicked out of my school because of my performance. I have been lamenting this for six months now. I am going back to our province and enroll in a university or state college that will still accept me despite my disgusting record. I will take up any course, whether it be a two- or four-year course, and do my best. I will study again after I have graduated. I plan to take up nursing and proceed to medical school.

I have plans, and I am able. That’s the only thing that’s running in my mind right now. I have realized that schooling was never a problem; my attitude was. I was stupid to believe that schooling was crappy, yet I couldn’t even get through a semester with a general weighted average on my certificate of grades.

I am stupid—I realized that only recently. Yes, education is always there, a constant prospect. You can study any time and at any age you want. Money, on the other hand, isn’t always there. The disappointment of the people you love is the hardest blow that you will ever feel. Your teacher telling you that you are one of the best in the batch and your taking your chances for granted are humiliating enough.

I am tired of being stubborn. I have now come to a point where I want to rewrite my life. I want to start again, and that is what I will do. I will persevere. I will succeed. I will waste no time in my studies and I will not let anyone down.

I am a journalism student, photojournalist, writer, artist, editor, dancer, soon-to-be college kick-out, and future doctor. I will succeed. I promise this, to all of you and to myself.

Camille Regala, 18, studied at Bicol University College of Arts and Letters and worked in various capacities at Budyong, the college’s student publication.