The problem with therapy-speak

A friend recently shared how conversing with his teenage daughter feels like a debate he always needs to study for. After asking her if she could try to look more modest on her social media posts, they had a heated argument where she accused him of consistently bringing up subjects that “trigger” her and cause her “trauma.” Feeling out of his depth, my friend opted to step back, “I had to stop arguing with her so I could google some of the terms she mentioned.”

The prevalence of therapy-related language in everyday conversations, commonly referred to as therapy-speak, is on the rise, primarily attributed to the growing awareness of mental health issues. Like most trendy expressions, however, the meanings of certain psychological terms have evolved as their usage has become widespread. While therapy-speak can facilitate improved self-expression for some, it is also prone to misuse in situations that don’t align with clinical definitions. For instance, “trauma” has shifted from referring to extreme events like accidents or abuse to being used for almost any distressing experience. People do face regular stressful situations, but it is essential to distinguish between everyday stress and true trauma. Using clinical terms too loosely can diminish their significance, exaggerate normal, albeit challenging, situations, and ultimately lead to desensitization.

Another challenge is how terms supposedly reserved for the most maladaptive aspects of human traits are now being used to describe the entire spectrum of the human experience. This leads to the mislabeling of people and pathologizing regular behaviors. In a scorned lover’s eyes, an ex-partner with a few selfish tendencies may hastily be branded a “narcissist” as a means to explain, and perhaps excuse, the failure of a relationship while avoiding the need to reflect how one may have also contributed to its dysfunction.

Therapy-speak has encouraged a surge in self-diagnosis. According to MindNation psychologist Lucille Foja, RPsy, self-diagnosing mental health conditions has always been common, but the proliferation of social media posts on the topic has made it more socially acceptable. “While it is a good sign that there is more awareness about mental health in the Philippines, it becomes problematic when they think that what they learn from the internet is enough for them to diagnose or use as a substitute for actual treatment.” An accurate diagnosis requires extensive assessment and careful consideration of a person’s history and behavior in various settings. Foja stressed that self-diagnosis not only poses a high risk of misjudgment. It can also lead to complacency, potentially masking more serious problems and hindering access to urgent care.

The popularity of therapy-speak may stem from its ability to provide people with the language to strengthen their arguments or validate their experiences without needing to consult someone who might give them an alternative point of view. Therapy-speak, whether intentional or not, becomes a convenient way for some to absolve themselves of the discomfort of honest self-assessment and personal accountability. But as psychologist and author Lori Gottleib had emphasized in a New Yorker interview: Unquestioning validation can feel wonderful at the moment, but it’s not useful for you in the long term.

When therapy-speak is used incorrectly or out of context, it could actually lead to greater misunderstandings and a breakdown in communication. Instead of relying on psychological buzzwords as shortcuts, mental health experts encourage us to use a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary to describe our feelings more accurately. This approach fosters a deeper reflection on the intricacies and complexities of any given situation and allows us to be clearer about the specific support we need from others.

Despite the pitfalls associated with therapy-speak, a society openly discussing the importance of mental wellness is still a much-needed win against past forms of discourse that associated mental health problems with shame and silence. The challenge now lies in channeling this newfound openness into professional channels where people can receive the necessary help and guidance. While cost remains a significant barrier, initiatives like virtual therapy and 24/7 online chats by providers like MindNation have helped make mental health services more accessible and affordable. Replicating and expanding such initiatives is crucial to ensuring everyone can access the support they require.

In the evolving therapy-speak landscape, we must balance promoting mental health awareness and ensuring its responsible use. Sometimes, this may include calling out family members and friends when clinical terms are being misused or oversimplified. It will not be an easy conversation, but it is an important one to have.

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