Finding balance in bossa nova

Velvety melodies fuel my drive, accompanying every clack of the keyboard. Bossa nova, my reliable companion, engulfs me in its soulful sway during an ardent work session. Smooth jazz melts my worries as if I were situated in a seaside café in Brazil.

Yet, I am only at my desk, not overlooking the waves while calmly sipping espresso. My work is still bound by time. My schedule remains as tight as ever as I continue to chase deadlines.

When there are many who rely on me, and with the weight of my own future resting squarely upon my shoulders, I firmly believe I must be strong like a sturdy foundation that could withstand all challenges.

Truly, I am one of many who ride the academic hustle. I am no stranger to the cliché feeling that my worth is only as good as my grades. With the desire to excel and make a name for myself, I carry grit and hard work to prove my capabilities both inside and outside of my studies.

A desire so strong that it snapped me in half.

Over the course of the school year, I had an insatiable greed for accomplishment. I pushed myself to bring my grades up higher than ever before. I handled various leadership roles in different student organizations. I actively participated in extracurriculars, juggling competitions with back-to-back dates. I even took a part-time job every weekend without a miss.

It reached a point where I began to disregard my physical and mental health completely, having stretched myself too thin. But I had always convinced myself it was simply a certain tiredness, nothing a little sleep wouldn’t fix. This sickening routine of self-destruction carried on far longer than what my body and mind could bear.

My mom would often tell me I’m too proud to seek help. As I reflect upon her words, I ponder on the true nature of my apprehension. Is it genuinely a manifestation of pride, or does it stem from a deep-rooted fear? The fear of being perceived as weak or vulnerable—the dread of exposing my inner struggles and having to bear the weight of my burdens to others.

On one fateful occasion, I submitted an assignment past the deadline and incurred deductions for being late. As my already terrible day seemingly worsened, I indulged in aimlessly surfing YouTube in hopes of finding resolve. A particularly interesting thumbnail then caught my eye. I had stumbled upon a one-hour playlist of bossa nova jazz.

I figured it wouldn’t hurt to experiment, but little did I know it would change my life. A graceful rhythm filled with passion quickly put me under its spell. The melodies seemed to suspend time itself, captivating my senses and enveloping me in a moment of calm. A rare instance of tranquility, a respite from the chaos and pressure that had consumed me for far too long. For the first time in a long while, I felt at ease—the poetry of sound assuring me that things would turn out just fine.

I pushed aside my to-do list that night for the morning to come.

That instance of relaxation caused a shift in my perspective. From that point onward, I made a conscious decision to integrate self-care into my routine. I started listening to the needs of my body and mind, acknowledging the importance of rest. I began to recognize my limitations and refused to take on tasks that I knew would overwhelm me. I humbly sought support and guidance from teachers, peers, and my parents.

Slowly, I let go of things on my overflowing plate. I learned to take care of myself, all while swaying to the beat of bossa nova.

And while I continuously strive to be self-sufficient, I’ve come to realize that it is not a weakness to seek help. Rather, it is indicative of strength—the strength to admit my shortcomings and fill what I lack. To learn from my mistakes and from the experiences of others.

Perhaps I am proud. But this time around, I’m proud of the young individual I am shaping myself to be.

Don’t be mistaken. I remain the ambitious, slightly stubborn teenager I’ve always been. Just a little bit kinder and more forgiving, with a newfound balance and sense of purpose. You will still find me at my desk, hard at work, all while fantasizing about a seaside café in Brazil.

Alex Aquino, 16, is an incoming Grade 12 STEM student from Holy Family School of Quezon City, Inc. Alex is an aspiring scientist and campus journalist who plans to pursue applied physics in college.