Most beautiful man in the world
Just like finding a gem, it is rare to find someone who has a pure heart and is a truly godly man.
Living as a rape victim and enduring the trauma it causes has never been easy. I was abused when I was five years old by the man whom my father trusted the most. I kept the incident a secret for a very long time, not wanting to add problems to my already messy family when I was young. I tried to handle everything on my own and show everyone around me that there was nothing wrong with me.
I always thought that what happened was okay, though I knew that it was not right. I wanted to be angry and sad, but I did not understand why I couldn’t feel these emotions. Maybe because I was so occupied with a lot of troubles at the time. I was exposed to my father’s cheating at a very young age, which made me despise love a bit. My father would sometimes harass my mother, leaving us to flee for a while to our neighbor’s house. My father would also occasionally argue with my mother’s siblings. Every day, I felt like I was on a battlefield, and that the peaceful days and hours were just preparations for another war to begin.
At a very young age, I learned to manage my problems on my own. One of my coping mechanisms amidst those various struggles was to invent pitiful stories in my head, so I could vent out my sadness and cry. I became a little actress at night, crying in my bed until I could sleep. That became my therapy every time I had a problem.
Growing up in that kind of environment and having those kinds of experiences, I have this perception that no man will love me fully if they find out about this hideous past of mine. Yet I still tried to gamble my fate in the arena of love. I had my first boyfriend in middle school. We lasted for more than seven years, but those years were a mixture of pain, guilt, and betrayal. My first boyfriend cheated on me—a thing that I abhor the most. I was crestfallen because I thought he would be the right man for me, yet I was wrong. I was happy, though, that I did not tell him about my traumatic history when I was still a child.
Then came my next boyfriend. It seems like I have this blunt taste for men. We broke up because of his selfishness and very untoward behavior toward me and even toward my family. I couldn’t even remember the reason why I even accepted him as my lover. Even my parents and people who knew me wondered why I ended up with such a type of man—or shall I say a boy? Maybe I was trying to hide the pain I had with my first breakup.
After what happened, I came to think that maybe I was not given the right man because I did not deserve one. Who would choose to love a rape victim anyway?
However, I asked refuge from God to give me the right man—the man who would draw me closer to Him and the man I could tell about my past.
God is truly good, for He did not even make me wait for so long.
The right man was someone I already knew from my college years. He was the man I adored back then. I couldn’t forget the time when I passed by him once in the hallway of our alma mater, where I am working now. I whispered to myself while looking at him walk away that his wife might have been so lucky to have him. I was really thinking at that time that he was already married, for he is way older than me. So I asked God to give me a man like him.
Yet God is great, for He did not just give me a man like him. He gave me him.
Through this man, I was able to see that love is not always cruel. That love is everything that is true, pure, and truly caring. I was able to tell him about the past that I have always been afraid to share. I was hesitant to tell him about it, but there was this voice that seemed to tell me that I should do so, and I never regretted that I did, for he loves me no matter how dark my past is. God lifted the burden from me through him.
He never takes advantage of my vulnerability; instead, he draws me closer to God to help me overcome my trauma. He shows me my true worth, which was unclear to me before then. He made me realize that what happens to me will never be a dealbreaker for me to be truly loved. That feeling of self-pity and allowing myself to be emotionally abused by men is not normal.
God gave me one of the most beautiful men in the world, with a pure soul and a genuine heart. Truly, God’s love for me is so big that He even prepared my man 14 years before I was born. He already gave me my ray of hope before I was even able to ask Him for it.
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Arcel S. Enriquez, 24 , is an educator.
