A ‘Simbang Gabi’ story

It was a cold December night when I first laid my eyes on you. It was just a normal “Simbang Gabi” at first, but then, I saw you. A tall, attractive man in white. A man who seemed to be very mysterious. You had that blank expression on your face. By that time, I already knew you were different.

That night, I was secretly glancing at you, only to find out you were doing the same thing, too. Your stares made my heart skip a beat. Your presence made me feel comfortable. I told myself that I would do everything just to know you better.

I’ve always been an active member of the church youth group. There, we became part of the same social circle and I took that opportunity to build a closer relationship with you.

I thought things would be easier, but I was wrong. You were an expert when it came to ignoring me. You would talk to everyone else except me. There were times when I caught you glancing at me but would eventually look away. These gestures gave me nothing but confusion.

I wasn’t sure if you were just shy, or you just didn’t like me at all. But I could still remember the first time you uttered my name. It was just so magical, surreal. I felt so special when I heard you say: “She’s Ella, right? I know her.”

I was in complete shock. I thought you were ignoring me the whole time, but I was wrong. My feelings became deeper and stronger, and I barely noticed it.

Do you still remember our team-building activity? I do. I wouldn’t forget that special moment when I was sitting beside the pool watching everyone having fun after all the activities. You were just a few steps away from us.

I suddenly felt uneasy. When I turned around, to my surprise, you were staring at me. I got lost in your eyes. It felt like being hypnotized. Then you smiled, and I froze for a minute. That’s when I finally realized how much you meant to me.

That day was just too memorable. We became comfortable with each other, and from then on, we made many memories within a short period. I couldn’t deny it, my hopes were too high.

I’m sorry if I assumed. Forgive me if I had hoped for a chance — that maybe, just maybe, you’d love me the same way, too.

It has always been so difficult for me. You gave me mixed signals, and I didn’t even know how to react. I couldn’t blame you, though. Maybe you were just trying to be friendly, or maybe it was something more than that. I was torn between hoping and giving up.

It took me a lot of courage to say this, but I want you to know that I love and value you. This love may be unrequited, but I’ll still give you all the love I can give. Love is painful, it is devastating, but you are worth the pain.

Now, here I am again, thinking about all the “what ifs” while enjoying the cold breeze. “Simbang Gabi” season is near, and all the memories are coming back. It has been almost three years, and my feelings haven’t changed.

Thank you for coming into my life. You are indeed a blessing from above. It hurts to let you go, but your happiness matters to me more.

Love means sacrifice, right? Our paths crossed for some reason, and I will always thank God for giving me the chance to love a person like you.

I know you have your own dream and you are eager to fulfill it. I love you, I always will. By the way, your cassock fits you well. Continue serving Him. Until we meet again, my future priest.

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Ella Magdalene Sangcap, 17, is a Grade 12 STEM student of Laguna State Polytechnic University-San Pablo City Campus.