Peso to Du30: Now you know the feeling!

On July 23, President Duterte will deliver his third State of the Nation Address (Sona). Well, that’s the least he could deliver.

The TV coverage of President Duterte’s third Sona will be directed by filmmaker Joyce Bernal. Malacañang made the right choice. Bernal is the director of the 2014 movie “Da Possessed.”

Malacañang says President Duterte’s third Sona will “come straight from  the heart.” It’s surprising to know he’s still got one.

According to presidential spokesperson Harry Roque, Mr. Duterte’s third Sona will “come straight from the heart,” prompting the President’s brain to ask, “When will my turn come?”

In case the proposed shift to a federal system is approved, President Duterte wants voters to elect a “younger” transitory leader to replace him. This young leader has got a big ego to fill.

Earlier this week, a dialogue between President Duterte and Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) president Romulo Valles was held in Davao City. Roque said the President wanted the Church to stop using the pulpit to criticize him, citing the principle of separation of church and state.

The CBCP granted the President’s request. It has instructed the bishops and priests to stand on the aisle when criticizing Mr. Duterte.

The President’s net satisfaction rating is down. And the Philippine peso was like, “Now you know the feeling!”

Mr. Duterte’s net satisfaction rating plunged in all surveyed areas. His ratings also dropped among all age groups except in the 18-24 age bracket—the Gen Zs and the millennials. As soon as he heard this, the President commended Mocha Uson’s Facebook “blog.”

The latest Pulse Asia survey on the 2019 senatorial elections is out. Plunder suspect Jinggoy Estrada, who is accused of pocketing P183 million in pork barrel kickbacks, is in the so-called Magic 12, placing sixth. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. How much does he need to steal (allegedly) to make you not vote for him? One billion?!

Bong Go is shocked. The special assistant to the President, whose face and name are visible in posters, stickers, billboards, giveaways and other campaign paraphernalia everywhere, landed in 26th place only. Said Go, “What else do I have to do? Commit plunder?”

Jinggoy’s half-brother and staunch Duterte apologist, defender and cheerleader JV Ejercito placed only 13th in the survey. Addressing Ka-DDS survey respondents, Ejercito said, “Kulang pa ba?!”

Former senator and incumbent Taguig City Rep. Pia Cayetano placed third in the survey. Apparently, Cayetano, who was very vocal against misogyny before 2016, has a new advocacy: “Ipagtanggol ang mga bulag, pipi at bingi!”

If elections were held today, another former senator, Lito Lapid, would definitely win (yet again). Many Filipinos are tempted to heed Gilas Pilipinas member Terrence Romeo’s advice: “Mag-convert na sa Australian.”

Malacañang wants Congress to pass a measure creating a separate department focusing on disaster response. They want it passed as soon as possible to keep pace with the President’s behavior.

President Duterte was slammed by critics for saying that Vice President Leni Robredo “can never be ready” to become president because she’s incompetent. Of course, Mr. Duterte was just misinterpreted. What he really meant was Robredo would never be ready to become president because she’s a woman.

The World Boxing Association welterweight title bout between Manny Pacquiao and Argentine boxer Lucas Matthysse is happening today in Kuala Lumpur. Pacquiao said he can’t wait to slug it out, for the first time, with an Argentine boxer. Matthysse said he can hardly wait to punch, for the first time, an incumbent senator.

Reports say President Duterte will be at ringside when Pacquiao battles Matthysse in Kuala Lumpur. Here’s unsolicited advice for Matthysse: Huwag kang masyadong manlaban.

“The useless always judge themselves as being important and hide all their incompetence behind authority.”—Paulo Coelho

Marcelo Landicho is more popularly known online as the award-winning blogger and political satirist The Professional Heckler. On Twitter: @HecklerForever