Interesting times a-coming

“WHAT’S YOUR take on the election of Rodrigo Duterte as president?” I ask my Chinese friend, Lee Hong, who runs a computer shop I frequent.

“Interesting times ahead,” he grunts.

I agree. Whoever is handling Duterte’s PR must have by now awakened to the fact that PR-ing for the erstwhile mayor of Davao City is a nightmare than which no job can be more challenging. His guy spouts statements of mixed metaphors that swing from outrageous to mischievous, from outlandish to bizarre, that one is at a loss whether to take them seriously or as jokes.

From his Davao redoubt he flings thunderbolts at whoever displeases him—no coating of his words with sweetness and light, just straightforward insolence. He calls one Cabinet man an idiot, another official naive, the clergy a bunch of hypocrites. He picks quarrels—with the media, the Catholic Church, the United Nations (yes, the UN), and whoever expresses views not to his liking or contrary to his own.

He issues policies some of which are good, some we can live with, some… argh!  He warns drug lords to get lost, evaporate, or blink nervously at the business end of a law enforcer’s UZI (good); pronounces that there will be no Cabinet post for VP-elect Leni Robredo because he doesn’t want to hurt the feelings of his friend Bongbong Marcos (bad); and whistles at females in the exercise of freedom of expression (hmm).

Many straightlaced citizens are dismayed by Duterte’s loose definition of free expression, leading them to wonder if we outdid ourselves and elected, not a president, but an oaf.  Me? I am not at all bothered by the Duterte Show. I was glued to his TV press conferences because I found them hilarious. I enjoy very much the way he discombobulates the mostly female presidential press corps or, as they are more popularly called, the Malacañang brat pack.

Public figures, whether in the government or in the private sector, have a  holy fear of earning the media’s ire.  Not Duterte. Huwag na tayo magbolahan, he lectures reporters. There are many of you who are corrupt. You are going to boycott my press conference? Go ahead (expletive), leave and don’t ever come back.  (Expletive) I don’t need you!

Some of his musings and actions, current or prospective, disconcert linear-thinking people.  Not good. Because if you mine further the implications or meanings of what he says and does, or plans to do, you’ll discover some nuggets of truth and ideas worth pursuing.

For example, he says he’ll do office work from 1 p.m. to 5 a.m. because he is a nocturnal person.  That sounds like a good idea—to solve the traffic problem and exploding population, to begin with. Let me explain: If office hours for select government offices were reset to start at 1 p.m. and close at 5 a.m., there will be 50 percent less commuters on major thoroughfares; hence, there’ll be less cars and buses battling for road space.

I leave it to Duterte’s technocrats to figure out the details of this concept. After all, it’s their boss’ idea to work at night and sleep by day.

And population control? How will the 1 p.m.-5 a.m. work schedule achieve this objective? It’s a no-brainer, but let me treat this delicate subject, well, delicately. According to statistics, action between couples that results in the production of babies transpires at the precise time which Duterte favors as work period. Thus, baby-making activity and space will drastically drop, and the exponential increase in our population will be halted.

Let Duterte’s chosen experts earn their pay and work out the details of this brainstorm of their boss.

Another Duterte-inspired idea is institutionalizing a natural knack that everyone is gifted with, and that’s useful for conquering tension, fear and timidity, and for expressing wonder or admiration. Whistling is a neglected art. It achieved a rebirth when Duterte certified it as an expression of admiration, not a form of sexual harassment as prudes suppose, at the press conference when he playfully whistled in the direction of a female reporter who was directing a question to the President-elect.

It’s a great idea, no question.  Fact is, I am thinking of starting a Whistling Club, with the objective of promoting the art of whistling and its beneficial uses. Indeed, who is not gripped with tension while waiting for the results of a cancer test? Or with dread while negotiating alone at night a deserted, unlighted alley where, it is said, a lady ghost roams? Or with indecision whether to look nonchalant or gallantly admit passing wind in an elevator? Or with exuberance upon beholding a “phantom of delight,” as the poet William Wordsworth put it? How do you suppress any of these anxieties and calm down? You simply whistle!

To bashers of Duterte who disagree with his unorthodox ways, thoughts and manner of communicating them, give the man a break. He’s just being himself, baring his soul, telling it as it is.  I prefer a man who tells a crook, a murderer, a rapist, “I’ll kill you,” than a man who tells the same characters, “I’ll give you due process.”

Duterte is an extremely creative person. I think he is really a fugitive from the advertising profession masquerading as a politician. Watch out! He’ll spew out more ideas and pronouncements of the shock-and-awe variety as he goes along in his presidency.

Which is why to my Chinese pal Lee Hong’s prediction of interesting times ahead, I say, Amen!

Mart del Rosario ([email protected]) is a retired advertising-PR consultant.