I love you no more

Everything seemed tautological. I always ended up getting hurt. So, talking to myself in solitude, I made the decision that this had to stop.

In retrospect, I was a loving person. I did everything possible to make it work. I did the strangest, even the weirdest, thing just to prove my love for you. It reached the point that I lost sight of my dreams, my goals and my aspirations because I was so in love with you. Yes, I truly was. I was very expressive in showing that to you. You know that. I was willing to sacrifice anything to let you know how I felt. I chose you over them.

Everything seemed normal, smooth-flowing, until one day I realized that I was never your priority even if I considered you mine. I lowered my standards when I met you. I accepted your vices (everything). I gave in to your every request. I was present when you needed me. I always made myself available at any time of the day.

I never questioned your sincerity when you sent me sweet and caring text messages, when you called me up at night to ask if I’m all right. Those gestures from you made me think that I had found love, real love.

You hurt me, and not just once. You kept doing it. Whether intentional or unintentional, it was hurting.

I must have been so assuming. I felt I was loved from the start. But I was wrong, totally wrong. It was not real love. It was fake.

I sighed with such relief when I eventually came to my senses before my heart went insane and overruled my whole being.

So I gave up gathering all my positive energies for you. I realized that you don’t deserve all that I am giving you. It was wasted time. But I am grateful for the valuable lessons. I learned those lessons the hard way.

I won’t be fooled again. Still I am hopeful and prayerful that the right person will come at the right time.

This time, I am enjoying life being unattached, being free, and being with the people who really matter—my family, my nephews and nieces, my cousins, and a few close, real friends. They are worth keeping. They are love.

But I am happy and grateful to have loved you. As the British poet Alfred Lord Tennyson put it, “’Tis better to have loved and lost/Than never to have loved at all.”

In case it’s not clear yet, I love you no more.

Romel T. Maribbay, 27, works at the National Prosecution Service in Cagayan Valley.