Better questions to ask

“Ang bagal mag-park, sigurado babae yan (So slow to park, for sure it’s a woman driver)!”

“Well, I’m sorry, son, you can’t date her, she’s not Chinese.”

“So, what’s your last name and what’s your family business?”

There you go, folks, first-class discrimination for you.

We Filipinos often talk about the clear-cut gap between the rich and the poor, more so, how this gap proceeds to the rich becoming richer and the poor becoming poorer. But not often do we stop, admit and think about how prevalent discrimination is, something that I think is the core building block of much hate and inequality, hence the gap. No matter how subtly one discriminates, it is powerfully detrimental.

We all have our stereotypes, and this is innate because we are natural social beings who will form certain opinions toward things. The problem begins with what we do or how we act toward that stereotype. There is nothing wrong with noticing that the man is bearded and dark-skinned, wearing a taqiyah (cap) and is Muslim. The problem arises when we decide to avoid him or not engage with him because of the horrible and wrong stereotype that we have formed in our heads. I’m trying to get at a simple point here: We are each a unique person, deserving of more attention beyond the existing generalizations.

Let’s face it, discrimination here in the Philippines is widespread. Your height, your brand and family name, your accent, and most especially your skin color, matter a lot when you are looking for a job. I myself have used some of these characteristics as assets in getting second interviews. However, especially with my family name, it has not worked all too well for me. Being in a Chinese school with a very Filipino surname, I was questioned by people why I was higher in rank than Mr. Tiong’s grandchild, as if my being non-Chinese had anything to do with performing better in physics class.

I survived high school pretty well and proceeded to getting selected to represent our rich Philippines in an international school in Canada on a full scholarship. It certainly was my class of 200 students coming from 133 countries and cultures represented there that has beautifully awakened me to the uniqueness that each individual represents. I matured further as I continued being a scholar in college. Now halfway into my first year of medical school, it was time that I visited my roots. I recently went home to Zamboanga and sadly, my heart was crushed as I met the same people with the same narrow-mindedness who simply refuse to think out of the box, unwelcoming of things that are a little off-key from the music they are accustomed to listening to.

This is deeply frustrating for me, and I am writing so that when you talk to someone new today, after you notice his economic status, his sexual orientation, or his race (since, again, there’s no denying that we WILL notice these aspects first), before you form your opinions of him, maybe you can put more effort into asking yourselves questions like: What is he doing to improve his life? What good has he done to people and to the world? And when he has failed at something, instead of lingering on that mistake which we Filipinos are so inclined to do, perhaps we should ask: Well, what steps has he made to rise from that fall?

This message and challenge I put out to you, whoever you are. May you be a student choosing your friends, a parent approving a partner for your son, a businessman dealing with a potential client, or just someone exchanging stories with your neighbors in the afternoon over drinks. I tell you this: After you judge persons based on their race, sexuality, or financial status, perhaps it is a good idea to also look into how kind their hearts have been, how they deal with life under the circumstance into which they are born, and what efforts they have put in to be of help to other people. It is truly pitiful if we make decisions and form opinions based solely on stereotypes.

Just maybe, if we make decisions based on these better aspects, we can more effectively lessen the gap we always painstakingly talk about, because believe it or not, change CAN and WILL begin with us and the actions we choose to take after we make these judgments of people. Please, let’s make better ones.

To those of us who have felt small because of an unwanted glare signifying you are not welcome simply because you do not have the “correct” last name, or those who feel like you cannot make it because of the fate bestowed upon you, let me remind you of what Chef Gusteau from “Ratatouille” tells us: “You must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul.” Let me also share with you a short prayer and a personal favorite quote that I always recite in my head: “Disturb us, Lord, when we have arrived in safety, because we have sailed too close to the shore.”

For the rest, challenge yourselves, ask the better questions, before you belittle or bash someone today, before you talk behind her back, or ignore him. Let’s take it up a notch and be better people today.

Judy Anne Romero, 23, graduated valedictorian from Zamboanga Chong Hua High School in 2008. She received full scholarship at Lester B. Pearson United World College of the Pacific in Canada and continued to receive scholarship at Bucknell University for premed in biochemistry in the United States. She is now in her first year in medical school at De La Salle Health Science Institute in Dasmariñas, Cavite.