The master commuter

TO SAY that the traffic situation in Metro Manila is horrible is to make an understatement. Those who have been stuck in a gridlock for hours can testify to that. And with the holiday season kicking in, traffic jams are now as much anticipated as the holiday itself.

I know a lot of people who would rather ride a bus or a jeepney instead of their own vehicles. Not that commuting is any faster; it’s just that when the traffic sours, you wouldn’t want to sit in a car for so long by yourself. At least when commuting, there’s a possibility that you’ll enjoy the situation because other people are sharing your pain.

Every day I am forced to do my commute with a very high level of planning and seriousness. I don’t see the traffic problems being solved in a foreseeable future, so I have to do what I can to survive. With every hurdle I encounter, I learn another perk, another skill, in coping with situations on the road. I am slowly becoming a master commuter.

I’ve summed up everything that I’ve learned into Five Easy-to-Remember Steps on Commuting In and Around Manila:

• Step 1: Prepare your stuff. Pack your belongings as you would when climbing Mount Palay-Palay or touring Sagada. Travel light. Don’t bring excess baggage or easy-to-spot jewels. You can bring your tablets, phones and other gadgets, but never expose them. Treat them like they were your babies. Someone snatches them from your hands, you go for the kill. (Kidding.) Remember to use them only when necessary, and only when you’re already secure in a vehicle. Make sure they’re charged adequately. And no, bringing a Swiss army knife may seem like a good idea, but it’s really not.

Bring books, if you’re a bookworm. Or food, if you’re a foodworm. Bring anything that’s easy to carry and can help you bide your time in peace. You might as well bring a heavy meal for lunch or dinner, or for both, if you’re coming from Pasay and going to Katipunan on a Friday afternoon. Bring a map or GPS, in case the driver of the car you’re riding in decides to take a sudden detour and gets lost. Study the route you’re going to take. Believe me, there aren’t many good options. Avoid shopping centers and highly populated areas. Imagine yourself as an “Amazing Race” contestant, and that you’ll lose the million-dollar prize if you don’t reach your destination fast.

• Step 2: Prepare yourself. To survive commuting, you’ll have to be in sound physical and mental health. Good legs can go a long way in outrunning other commuters to a jeep, bus, or van. We may have proper loading and unloading areas for PUVs, but Pinoys use them in a way men use their nipples. We haggle and we compete to reach any coming vehicle. It doesn’t matter if, in rushing, you elbow someone in the teeth or you knock another unconscious; you either get that ride or you don’t. So, exercise. Do the treadmill or jog every day.

Once inside your ride, apply the proper etiquette needed. Read manuals on how to behave inside a jeepney, van, bus or train. In jeeps: Ladies should tie their hair, gentlemen shouldn’t stare, and everyone is expected to help get someone’s fare to the driver. In vans: No coughing, no farting, no loud talking. In buses: Be a good soul and give up your seat to the elderly and the disabled. If you’re the one having a “standing ovation,” make sure to keep your eyes to yourself and try not to hit people with your bag.

And when I say don’t bring excess baggage (Step 1), I also mean don’t bring your work stress, love troubles, or family problems. Leave them at home or in the office where they belong. You won’t be needing any of that on the road. You need to focus. You wouldn’t want to be the person to slow you down.

• Step 3: Prepare for other people. You need to understand that many of the major obstacles in commuting are posed by your co-commuters themselves. You need to accept the fact that Filipinos are not the most disciplined species when on the road. People can be dangerous when stuck in traffic. Try to play a joke on an elderly woman who’s been in a bus for three hours and she’ll destroy life as you know it. A small man in a jeep filled with overweight people can be a champion wrestler in a second. Prepare the proper communication skills in dealing with these people. A smile can inspire another smile, so don’t hesitate to display one. Try not to be creepy, though.

Remember that everyone is stuck in traffic, and being ill-tempered will definitely not make your situation any better (or the vehicle any faster). Moreover, don’t let other people get the worst out of you. Wear a “Keep Calm” button and live by its words.

• Step 4: Prepare for the unexpected. I always calculate the time of my commute from point A to point B, and allow extra time for anything that might happen on the road. A little drizzle can transform a highway into a pond. A minor motorcycle accident can make a two-hour gridlock and turn the road into a virtual parking lot. You need to take the traffic situation in Manila with care, as you would in plotting a murder: Observe the current situation, weigh all factors, identify causes and effects, brace yourself for unpredictable events.

If everything still goes wrong, you walk. Because it’s healthy. You walk toward the nearest MRT station, wait for an hour or two in a long queue of people snaking down to the pavement, and squeeze yourself into that darn train because it’s your last resort.

• Step 5: Prepare to be disappointed. Because no matter what, you can’t make the traffic situation in Manila any better. The best thing you can do is enjoy the ride. You may survive another day in commuting, but there will come a time when you’ll just want to throw your hands in the air and give up. But you can’t, because you have a home to return to or an office to report to. So you’ll have to suck it up and vent all your frustrations through social media or a piece like this.

You see, preparation is the key.

You often hear government officials saying that they’re doing their very best about the state of Metro Manila traffic, and that they are putting all their efforts in addressing the issues. They too, are preparing. So next time, take a moment to step back and look at the traffic jam. Observe the people’s faces. Close your eyes and listen to them cursing. Smell the thick emissions from the paralyzed vehicles. Take it all in. Then remind yourself that this is the best that our government can do—the authorities have said so themselves.

Whet next then?

Before hitting the road, follow these simple guidelines and you’re ready to go. As they say in “Hunger Games,” may the odds be ever in your favor.

Ricardo G. Patriarca, 20, commutes from his boarding house in Cubao to a BPO company in Eastwood where he is a web content writer. He graduated from Cavite State University (mass communication, cum laude) last April.