The day I started living was the day I started giving in to society. This is a society of standards—religion, education, beauty, gender and more. I used to follow and comply blindly with these standards because: 1) I didn’t have a choice (or didn’t know there were other choices), and 2) I couldn’t afford not to.
Anyway, how hard can it be? You already have a society that defines life for you, and all you need to do is follow.
Love is one of life’s greatest wonders, or so they say. I once hoped for love that knows no society and love that is freely defined and felt in our unique ways. But love wasn’t able to escape the grips of society, which resulted in a singular kind of love—that which knows judgments.
When I was growing up, I thought about falling in love. How do you do that? Are there steps to falling in love? Society had an answer, and it was very evident: You could see it on television, newspapers, books, everywhere. Falling in love meant finding the one. There goes a girl who meets the man of her dreams. The girl then waits for the guy to notice her because she doesn’t have the first-move privilege. She puts on her makeup, her best dress and her killer high heels. She never misses a day in the gym just to stay fit and sexy. She always tries to look her best because how can any guy resist that kind of beauty? Until finally, the guy decides to notice her. They fall in love. They get married. They have kids. The guy works and the girl takes care of their kids. They grow old together, and maybe die together. Yes, the perfect love story.
I can actually shed a tear for all its perfection. Could it be the reason most people search for that kind of love? Just to make it clear, this is not to undermine this kind of love, but to introduce a whole lot of love stories that also deserve a place in society. Love, in all its forms, will always be love, and should never be in comparison with anyone else’s love because we all have our own stories to tell.
I would agree that falling in love means finding the one, but it can also mean finding yourself in another person. It can also mean finding home, solace and forever. It doesn’t even have to be with anyone. It can also be just loving everyone around you. Falling in love can cast definitions as many as the number of people on earth capable or incapable of love. That’s how diverse love can be, and that’s what makes each love story worth sharing.
But why does falling in love have to be so hard? Why can’t a guy dream about the man of his dreams? Why can’t a girl make the first move? Why can’t a girl be beautiful so effortlessly? Why can’t the guy stay at home? Why can’t the girl work? Why can’t they not grow old together? Why can’t a guy love this way just because he’s a guy? Why can’t a girl love this way just because she’s a girl? Why can’t …?
Actually, everyone can. It’s time for us to know that we are all capable of love and, therefore, we all can. Love stories are so often told in black and white. But love can get as colorful as it can, it can even surpass the realm of visible colors. Love can be defined and sometimes, it cannot. Love exists not just in black and white but in a whole lot of colors and universes fit according to one’s unique way of telling.
You follow and comply with certain standards because there wasn’t a choice. But there is; in fact, there are. There is a whole lot of choices waiting to be made. There is a whole lot of paths waiting to be crossed. You can dream your own all you want, no matter what. You can make the first move all you want, no matter what. You are already beautiful, no matter what. You can stay at home all you want, no matter what. You can work all you want, no matter what. You can grow old together (or not) all you want, no matter what. You can love all you want, no matter what.
The choice is yours because the love is yours to give as well.
You follow and comply with certain standards because one cannot afford not to. But we actually can. Sure, society cradles us and there is always the need to belong. And even if we claim to be victims of society, we are still part of it and even suspects of it. We have all been suspects of society for we, in one way or another, judged other people according to a standard familiar to us.
It’s time to know that there are stories unfamiliar to us that deserve acceptance and tolerance. If we are part of the problem, we are definitely part of the solution. If we become a society that knows better, we all can afford to love, no matter what.
I must admit that it’s still a long journey ahead of us. I know change won’t happen overnight. All I can do is hope. I hope that one day, we become brave enough to live our own lives, not a life that society wants us to live. I hope we are able to go outside the box and create our own stories to tell. I hope we try and just dare to love for all its worth.
I once knew love as a recipe. There are ingredients needed and steps to follow. At the end of the day, I realize that love really is a recipe. The good thing about this recipe of love is that you are your own cook, you get to choose your own ingredients and you are able to decide how it gets cooked. You create love that is within your taste and within your control.
The greatest tragedy of our time is never about falling in love but our fear to do so. Love is not the tragedy, even Zedd knows that. We have been afraid of taking chances just because we know a love different from what we feel. Let love be the remedy. Love should always be worth it. How about a brave new world? A world that knows how to love, no matter what.
Donna Nikki DL Vargas, 18, of Lingayen, Pangasinan, is a fourth-year communication student at the University of the Philippines Baguio.