In deepest thought, I started wandering the vastness of the ocean, following the endless horizon in my vision while navigating the stars in the sky. I was in unfathomable consciousness; in every glance, I saw every picturesque image of the past, present and future.
I was in a grateful state. With the power in my hands, I could think nothing of impossibility.
But in an instant everything went black. I could see nothing but emptiness.
I was blind; no, I was in darkness.
The power I held only a while ago had changed into the lowest form of life. I strived to feel my surroundings. I crawled not to fall, I smelled every bit of dust to track down my footsteps. And I kept silent all the time in order to feel the wind.
I tried hard, but failed repeatedly. I aged fast. I felt the wrinkles on my face, I felt my beard and mustache growing, my veins swelling, and my flesh becoming weak. Still I remained in darkness.
I closed my eyes and rested my body in the deep. I prepared myself and waited for my final moment. I was ready to let go of this borrowed life. I reminisced and saw nothing perfect in my existence. I had savored a little of life’s glory and consumed the bitter core of its fruit.
And now that my strength was no more, a light appeared before me that seemed to collect me from the darkness. I opened my eyes, and suddenly there was paradise lighted brightly.
Everything I saw was beautiful.
A little boy poked my knees, as though saying he wanted to whisper something in my ears. I knelt down and found myself in deepest regret. Tears welled from my eyes, my heart stopped beating, and my world seemed to stop revolving.
Said the boy: “Thank you for providing us with this paradise. Though I do not see you so often, I am thankful every day that you work hard to be a good provider. You may always be in distant places, but never shall a day pass without you in our prayers, in our minds and in our hearts. I love you and miss you, Daddy. May you always have a good journey and calm seas.”
I reviewed my life once again, and read through the pages of my life. I was able to build an empire of which I was not aware, to create lives with whom I am not familiar.
I have wasted the best years of my life.
On my final walk, I saw another boy from a distance, waving his hands. As I approached I could see that his eyes were full of dreams and determination. His body seemed so sturdy and fresh.
But the image faded slowly. The boy turned into the old me, weak, tired and gray, alone and full of regret. And then all I could see were waves slamming into the rocks on the shore, marking them with sorrowful memories.
George Bajenting Espejo Jr., 28, is chief officer at Sanko Fil-Star Maritime Corp.