Finding the Christmas spirit

We all know the feeling. Deadlines loom, and a form of free-floating anxiety haunts our days. There are so many things that need doing: gifts to shop for and wrap, checklists to follow, dishes to cook, the house to decorate, the tree to trim, the family to gather, the parties to attend, and the endless stream of envelopes from messengers and postmen, village security guards, garbage collectors and even the newspaper delivery guy, greeting you a Merry Christmas with an explicit appeal for your generosity.

Where did the Christmas spirit go?

Perhaps it went with our growing out of childhood, when the exquisite thrill of Christmas Eve or Christmas morning was replaced with the dread of sitting through a dinner where, despite all efforts to keep the bonhomie flowing, old family resentments surface and secret competitions emerge.

We are never as honest with ourselves as when we are tipsy with Christmas wine and champagne, drunk on the rum in the fruitcake, groaning from overindulgence, and brimming with uncalled-for honesty and sharp rebuke.

Other relatives will try to keep our spirits up with sing-alongs and games of charade or Pinoy Henyo. But the pressure of the last month or so needs release, and all too often, it finds an outlet in a sudden outpouring of feeling, often enough stoked by the competitive play and the silent contest of gift-giving. Who loves whom more? Who has better taste? Who wraps gifts with an eye to impress? Who will be outed for regifting and recycling?

So while we have a day to go before the madness starts, let’s take a breath and retreat from the hectic holidays. Nobody ever died from Christmas—but the pressure to live up to our childhood memories and the media-induced striving for perfection bring us ever closer to a coronary, if not a stroke. So settle for imperfection and mediocrity—they’re the best gifts we can give ourselves!

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Some of my friends have been writing about (or posting on Facebook) their search for the elusive “Christmas spirit.” Some have found it watching old, classic feel-good movies about people celebrating the holidays. Others put on CDs or download from music sites beloved carols and Noels they grew up with and know by heart. A few recover the meaning of Christmas by reading the original story: the birth of Christ in a manger.

I have found it in the strangest places. One year, it was in a mall when, in the midst of a harried hunt for gifts, I stopped in my tracks and listened, and allowed myself to be carried away by, a youthful choir filling the air with familiar hymns.

Another year, it was in the middle of a Christmas program in my children’s school, when the dancing preschoolers messed up their number but delighted us adults no end.

And in yet another year, it was during the performance of Ballet Manila’s traditional “Nutcracker” offering. I was afflicted with a diabetic attack and was feverish in my seat, covered with a blanket we bought in a hurry in a roadside tiangge, but staying put to watch our daughter dance. I hope she remembers the story!

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This year, the Christmas spirit was particularly elusive, and I found it just now, on a last-minute visit to the Chocolate Lovers House where the hubby was rushing to buy gift boxes for the pies he bakes and gives away as gifts.

I had often passed this strange structure—a castle plunked right in the center of busy Cubao—but had never set foot in it. On this first visit, we went to the second floor where all sorts of gift containers—boxes, cans, bags and sachets—can be found. I chanced upon some cardboard containers that, if folded right, stand up and resemble Christmas trees. They will make a most charming centerpiece for my festive table and, filled with candies, will make for convenient giveaways for young guests!

Then we proceeded to the main store area and found everything the Christmas nut would ever need, or want. And it’s not just chocolates! There were all the ingredients the baker-hubby needed for his pies, including nuts from all over the world. I found candies of all sizes, foil-covered chocolate balls, marshmallows in a rainbow of hues and flavors, dried fruits, and cake pans and cupcake towers.

It was truly a Christmas lover’s fantasy, and the beginnings of elaborate seasonal treats that must have been dancing around in the heads of everyone in the premises!

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I know what you cynics must be thinking: Ang babaw naman! How shallow of this social commentator to start off bemoaning the missing spirit of the season and later confessing to finding it in an ersatz castle filled with chocolates, candies and all the appurtenances of a traditional holiday!

Well, I don’t care. I’ll take and savor the spirit of Christmas wherever I find it, and this year, amid all the bad news and scary news, all the tragedies and sadness, all the stupidity and corruption and venality—all it takes is a Chocolate Lovers castle in Cubao to bring me to the holidays.

May you, dear, dear reader, find your version of the Christmas spirit, too, and soon, or at least before the hectic feasting and partying get the better of you and you lose the chance to revel in the good feelings and remember what we are all celebrating!