Respecting breakups

This is a message for my good friend who is having perhaps the toughest time in his life.

Breaking away from a five-year relationship must be the hardest thing for you ever. It must be hard to wake up every day to the taste of burnt coffee in your mouth, knowing that despite all the sacrifices, the efforts made, tears shed, and steps taken for the relationship, you are now single. It must be hard to see that the old text messages of “good morning” and “I love you” have been replaced by silly ads and promos by your phone network. Your couple photos on Facebook exist no more, and the only things you can upload are pictures of meals you used to cook for her. You now reach places that you dreamed of reaching with her, but this time your exploits are merely part of your job. Shirts, restaurants, movie places, and roads all become painful reminders, not just of her, but also of the beautiful connection you had with each other.

The hardest part might be that during the last breaths of your relationship, you were slaving to find ways to win her back, yet she was already entertaining someone else. I know how unfair it was for her to pronounce a cool-off and seek time apart for reasons she refused to say, only to pursue someone else. The decency of a proper ending was not even there.

I could go on elaborating on all the pain she has caused you. I could also give you endless Internet tips on how to move on. But what you need now is an affirmation that you were right. You were right to push your limits to maintain the relationship. You were right to never entertain the idea of being with another person, or even just flirt around. You were right to take seriously a simple “yes” from that 8:40 p.m. moment she accepted your courtship. And you were right to demand a decent and honest moment to part ways. It takes courage to do that, something she will never have.

People have long been taking relationships ever so slightly. Is it because of the supposed liberal ideas scattering these days? Is it because a simple verbal declaration of a relationship is deemed easier to break than a marriage contract? Some people say a relationship is declared in the eyes of a Supreme Being, witnessed by the stars, or other people as well. It must be remembered that, most importantly, it was declared between the people involved, and that alone demands respect.

Entering a relationship demands commitment and responsibility for each other. Even up to the point of ending it, there must be an obligation to endure all the consequences and hardships of ending it. Escaping the scuffle is the most selfish thing to do.

Now I tell you, my friend, don’t punish yourself for someone else’s mistake. The dialectics of things may make it seem that you were wrong somewhere, but today you are right. You know what is wrong from right, and you continue to grow. Remember, you were not alive for only five years. You can make it.

Anne Calaya, 17, says she is “an aspiring political writer” who “took time off just to bring this message to a friend.”