Things I want most

I have been wanting these three things for as long as I can remember:

1. To become a certified public accountant.

I have longed to become one since I was a kid, but my desire has intensified. It’s understandable as I am in my last year as an accountancy student. Furthermore, my friends and batch mates passed the board examination in October.

I keep telling myself that but for some unwanted circumstances, I could have been one of those new CPAs. I have to accept the fact that it is not yet my time, and that there’s no use in dwelling on the past and thinking about what could have been. I have formed my objectives: Work hard to finish my degree, enroll in a review school, and take—and pass—the board exam. I will become a CPA and achieve my dream.

2. To have a normal loving father.

I should tell you that I have condemned myself numerous times for wanting this. I grew up having only my mother as a parent. At first, I did not think having a father by my side was an essential. I always thought my mother’s love and care for us, her children, were more than enough to fill the empty space due to my father’s absence. But as I grew older, I thought a lot about how it would be to grow up with a father.

Yet I should be thankful enough for my wonderful family. I have a brother who, though a little childish sometimes, cares for his younger sisters and whose presence I have associated with safety. I have a sister who is the best “Ate” in the world and acts as my second mother (she’s nine years my senior). And, of course, I have my loving mother, who raised us all by herself. Still, I want more and I feel guilty about it.

Don’t get me wrong. My father and I are in constant communication. He pays for my studies and I’m thankful for that. But what I want is a father who’s more than a financial supporter, a father I can go home to and be grateful about it, a father who spoils his children but scolds them if they go out of line. I have craved to know what it feels like to have a loving father whose embrace means comfort and security, and who cares so much for his children that he will do anything for them.

But this is wishful thinking because my father has his own family now. I think it should be enough for me that he at least cares for me in his own way.

3. To meet The One.

I am not the only one who wants this. Who wouldn’t want to meet and be with the one person who is destined for you? I guess I got this silly dream from reading so many romance novels. I am swept off my feet by Mr. Right every time I read a love story. I always imagine being the heroine. But after finishing the story, I’ll have this sinking feeling inside, and I ask myself if it can happen in real life.

No matter how I love reading perfect love stories and dreaming about perfect Mr. Right, I only want to meet the one for me. I don’t care how imperfect he is because neither am I perfect. I believe that accepting imperfection will make our relationship a perfect one. I want to love and be loved by him for the rest of our lives.

It seems naive of me to wish and wait for such things. But a girl can dream, right?

Ma. Cyreen Lei C. Gavino, 20, is completing her accountancy course at Araullo University-Phinma.