Cool or cold?

One Sunday afternoon, I was struck by what the pastor said in his sermon: “We are the most connected yet disconnected generation.”

True. While modern gadgets and communication devices allow us to communicate instantly, we tend to miss out on the one thing that matters to most people: being there to comfort, encourage and talk (in the real sense of the word). Suddenly, the world seems to have settled for almost-effortless friendships and relationships.

People used to assure their loved ones, “I’ll be by your side whenever you need me.” Now, they say, “No matter what happens, just let me know. I’m just a text away.”

Old love songs described how seeing a woman smile made a man smile. Now, a smiley icon is supposed to make one’s day complete.

Some years back, arguments between friends and lovers happened in front of each other. Now, they can tell each other whenever and wherever they may be that if they cannot resolve a problem, they can just “unfriend” or delete or ignore him or her forever.

We wonder what the world would be like if cellular phones had not been invented. I think people in earlier generations valued agreements, set-ups and appointments more because their reputations depended on it. If they did not show up for a scheduled meeting, it could mean a big loss for their business or at least their credibility. Now, schedules, commitments and appointments fall under a new category in the status section: “tentative.” It is strange how some people can say it, “Book mo na – tentative” or “May meeting ka bukas – pero tentative pa kasi.” People easily postpone or cancel events because they can do so with a flick of a finger. It seems not to matter anymore if a friend needs company, you can always say, “Text-text na lang muna.” There is less sense of urgency, responsibility or commitment because if one wants encouragement, comfort, hugs, kisses or love – all of these can be sent digitally. How cool or cold is that?

I don’t understand why companies would want to operate with a smaller workforce. Everyone needs someone. Multi-tasking is ideal, but it is not healthy. You can boast about being a multi-tasker in your CV, but let’s see how your health holds up with it. And why are toll or parking gate attendants being replaced with push-button machines that greet you with so much coldness and haste: “Wel-come-to-the-mall-please-get-your-card-now-thank-you.”

They say it’s cool. I say it’s cold. I don’t even want to imagine how people would be interacting with one another in, say, 200 years. Do we really want to be stuck with just a laptop or a console and fill our ears with irritating earphones that let us listen to nothing except our own favorite songs?

I believe our bodies are built to maintain lasting relationships, our hands to hold another. I believe that arms are for hugging, that shoulders are for friends to rest their weary heads on, that lips are for kissing (to show appreciation or affection, and it goes on and on. You are able to read this because two bodies united once upon a time and formed you – unless you were made in a test tube, which is also a miracle.

We were created not just to communicate but relate to one another. We are human beings. Aside from being able to talk, think and listen, we have feelings. We get hurt at times – and we need to let it out.

Don’t listen when someone tells you, “It’s okay,” when you know it is not. Don’t let anyone tell you, “Just focus on yourself, your work and you’ll be better in three months,” because that is not true. No, it is impossible to focus when there is a lump in your throat and your heart is beating faster than usual and your mind is thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” and “How can I resolve this?” Advice is easy to give. If you are really a friend, offer a hug, and not just “>:D”?

Call me old-fashioned, but I will still push for affection and personal interaction. How can you enjoy or appreciate someone’s company when the closest you get to each other is through video conferencing or SMS or instant messaging? I still want to see the look in my friend’s eyes when I tell her I care. I want to make my partner feel that I appreciate him by giving him a kiss instead of sending him a message full of “xoxoxoxos.” I want to feel the warmth of a hug through real human arms instead of anything generated by overused gadgets. I still want a pat on the back when I perform well. I still want to receive flowers and read messages written on greeting cards.

I appreciate the new technologies that we have but I won’t let them turn me into a cold-blooded human being. I pray to God that He gives me the grace to still be compassionate and passionate about relating with people. I still want to feel.

Brendalyn P. Ramirez, 26, is an account manager at TBWA-SMP/Tequila Manila