Hey Guinness, meet world’s noisiest town

Marilao, my town, has the world’s dirtiest river. Pretty soon, it will also be known as the noisiest town in the whole world.

Here are the facts, for the record:

1. Every day at 4:50 in the morning our church bell tolls.

2. A few minutes thereafter, the church’s ear-splitting sound system blasts a morning prayer led by an elderly woman wishing to sound cute. Later on, the Mass starts in a manner that will awaken even Rip van Winkle.

3. Then, at around 6:30 a.m., before the officiating priest declares the Mass has ended, another sound system roars announcements about where passengers should queue. The distressingly loud noise comes from a nearby market.

4. This daily occurrence is oftentimes punctuated by the thunderous roar of 100 cc motorcycles pretending to be 1,000 cc BMWs. (At 6 p.m. the church is at it again.)

5. This medley of rackets does not end until the wee hours of the evening when discordant blares of out-of-tune “My Way” from karaokes envelop the neighborhood.

A few months ago, I complained at the parish office. There I learned that the pious church staff were just continuing that practice of the previous parish priest. (I recall now that that parish priest might be a charter member of “AIM”—Ayaw Iwanan ang Mike. He was known for his minimum 45-minute sermons.) I was also told by the woman-church staffmember that the parish is also serving the spiritual needs of the sick who cannot go to Mass—without considering sick people in need of more than seven hours of uninterrupted sleep?

One day, fortunately or unfortunately, a barangay official passed by, giving me the chance to express my annoyance by asking him if there was a barangay committee on pollution. As expected, he did not know that noise is a kind of pollution too.

I wish to dedicate this letter to the Guinness Book of World Records Philippines for annotation of this new record: World’s Noisiest Town!

—ELMER STA. ANA,

elmerstaana@ymail.com