It is kind of hard to understand people. I am not sure what they want for me. Is the physical state just the first thing they notice, so they immediately comment on it, or I just have ounces of insecurity in my body to actually admit that there has been a huge change?
“Uy, parehas ata tayong lumalaki, ah (Oh, it looks like we both got bigger)!”
This is one way by which other persons politely say I have gotten fat. They do not want to directly hurt my ego, so they include themselves in the equation even though they did not really get heavier—which is kind of worse since I know too well what they really meant, and I just can’t figure out until what level they meant it. Did I get fat in a good way (i.e., I have been healthy) or in a bad way (i.e., I have been eating too much)?
“Bumagay sa yo ang Maynila, ah (Manila sits well on you).”
Come to think of it, Manila has a lot of food chains and eating establishments that cater to different people’s tastes. When people tell me this, this is what comes to my mind. I want to think that maybe they meant it as a good thing, but that is like shoving bad medicine into my mouth. Or am I just being cynical? Oh, well.
“Mukhang wala kang problema (You don’t look like you have a problem).”
Why do people think that when other people get fat, they do not have problems in life? I do not want to enumerate the stress points every person goes through here; that would be an emotional appeal. But then again, let me just say that when people get fat, it’s not true that they are not wrestling with any problem in life; maybe eating is just their one way of dealing with it.
“Namamayat ka ata (You seem to be getting skinny).”
Do not smile yet, this is sarcasm. This is what I often hear from other people who comment on my weight. It is very displeasing. It makes me feel like I have committed a crime. It is the one sentence that I just laugh about but cannot shove from my mind. Might as well say “Ang taba mo na (You’ve gotten so fat)” because that would be more truthful than saying something as condescending as that, right?
“Di kita nakilala (I didn’t recognize you).”
What nice words to hear! If only they meant that one has grown prettier, or that one is finally dressing better, or that one is unrecognizable because one is looking better. But no. When I heard this, I thought I was getting something positive finally, but it turned out to be false hope. It is such a shame, though, because I am kind of hoping to hear something nice since I returned to my hometown last Christmas.
I wonder numerous times: What if people talk about other things instead of one’s weight? Probably about one’s achievements in college, or one’s new approach to different situations, but maybe this society is just not built that way. Filipinos will always find a way to comment on anything that has to do with what they see on the surface. Oh, and not just about one’s weight, it can also be about how bad one’s haircut is, or how many pimples are dotting one’s face, and whatnot.
However, the good side in receiving these kinds of comment is that I get to think of myself as well: Maybe I am not thinking enough of my physical welfare because of school work, which is why I should start paying attention to my body? I do not know.
I guess it is kind of psychological, too. There are times when I am on the way to starting a diet program but I back out at the last minute because I have seen too many other girls who become bulimic and anorexic. Sometimes it is also the constant battle between those who encourage one to become skinny (i.e., commercials that promote healthy products) and those who support eating what one wants because they are not afraid of gaining weight (i.e., Jennifer Lawrence).
Maybe it is just the ounces of insecurity. I get hurt when someone notices my weight because I do not see the change through my own eyes. I see my body the way I have always seen it, or maybe the way I want to perceive it. True enough, it is rude for people to immediately remark on my weight, but for me, the biggest challenge in coming across such a remark is not whether I will choose to start a diet, or work out, or even develop an eating disorder. The challenge is how I am going to accept it. And whether they meant it in a good way or a bad way, it is up to me to do something about it. Is it not true that if one wants change, one must do it for oneself?
Yes, it definitely takes a lot of maturity to accept “Ang taba mo na.”
Joyce Crystel Manrique, 18, is a first year philosophy-accountancy student at De La Salle University Manila.