I wonder why some people are good at doing things, why they are so confident, efficient, effective, and competitive. I envy them. I want to trust myself more, that I can do what others can and achieve milestones as well. The thing is, I feel I have been living in this enclosed space, with all things familiar from the brand of shampoo I use to the people I see every day. As much as I want to convince myself that nothing is wrong with that, I can’t deny the fact that my rituals and the things I call normal are not opening doors for opportunities. They are shutting me from the world and boxing me. Although in darkness I can still move because I have mastered the everyday pattern, I have also realized that I am the victim of my own thoughts, that I am afraid of risk.
Back in high school those were my thoughts, and until now I feel trapped within my borders. I have been saying no to opportunities, and failures always knock me down, to the point that when it hurts I let it linger until my other goals and priorities are affected in some way. My recovery time is long—usually lasting two weeks or a month. Neither my friends nor my relatives know this because I present myself as a strong woman. But deep inside I am soft, easily swayed by circumstances. In a lighter shade I hit my “restore” button and all is well. Things are back to normal, again.
I have this little notebook with the words “do it well,” just to remind me to give the task at hand my best. My first step to welcoming change is to say no to mediocrity. It sounds like a cliché, but people like me have settled for the middle instead of the top. I have this notion that when one does good with everything, most especially the things one loves, one can excel, and sooner or later one can be discovered, like an extra becoming a superstar.
Saying no to mediocrity means nudging off shyness. Trepidation has always been the lump in my throat during recitations, presentations, or even normal conversations. It is the root cause of parties not attended, thoughts not well stated, the best not expressed, and opportunities turned down. I must say it is the enemy of a brave person. The times I wanted to do my best but was afraid people would laugh at me pulled me down.
I’ve decided I would not let mediocrity eat me.
With my change program I started reading self-help books. Here’s a piece of advice to those who also feel trapped and want change: Look for the keys of your lock. In my case I found bravery as the key. I am now feeling the fruits of the change, and it feels good.
I feel new and alive. Knowing that I can also be efficient, competitive, and effective excites me. Imagine if all of us get out of our boxes and meet halfway. We can all make a difference.
S.A.R., 21, is a development communicator.