Full control

When you have a massive heart attack and a needed crucial bypass operation your whole perspective on life takes a drastic U-turn.

That is what happened to me just a few months ago. I was in full control of my life when, without warning, a heart attack struck like a thief in the night.

I like things well-planned and organized to the smallest detail. I want to know what I will do in advance and how to go about it effectively. I have my goals set for the future. When they happen according to my expectations, I feel fulfilled but when they fail to materialize, I get frustrated. In short, my life must be predictable.

Well, I did not expect I would have a heart attack even if I was now a senior citizen. I felt physically fit, being a non-drinker and a non-smoker, and living a healthy lifestyle. And so, it came as a shock when at dawn last December, I woke up feeling unbearable pressure on my chest which left me gasping for breath. When I felt my left arm getting numb, I decided it was time to rush to the hospital.

It was a wise decision, the doctor who gave me emergency treatment told me later. My blood pressure had shot up to a critical level and my ECG reading showed as if my heart was undergoing an intensity six earthquake.

After staying in the ICU for a week, I was advised by my cardiologist to have an angiogram in Manila for further tests. The result confirmed my worst fears. I needed an urgent quintuple bypass procedure.

There went all my wonderful plans out the window. I am no longer the captain of my destiny. I did not even know if I would live another day.

Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it struck me that I do not have full control of my life. God does. It took a life-threatening experience to teach me this essential lesson: God is the one in control.

I foolishly believed that I can rely completely on myself, arrogantly assuming I did not need God to manage my life.

I began to realize the wisdom of the saying, “Let go and let God.” When I fervently prayed before my operation that I would accept God’s will whatever happens, I felt at peace. I was in God’s hands and that was all that mattered. Needless to say, God took care of me. I had a successful operation and I am now on my way to recovery.

Another valuable lesson I learned is to live the present fully. Why worry about the future when the future may not even happen for you?

Our Lord Jesus expressed it better when He said, “I tell you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and how you are to clothe it. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. Set your hearts on His kingdom first and on His righteousness and all these things will be given you. Do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself.”

Each additional day in my life is a gift from God. I must learn to enjoy it and savor it. I must take time to smell the fragrance of flowers and appreciate the golden sun waking up every morning. And I must thank God for all these gifts because He loves me.

Another lesson I learned from this significant crisis in my life, is how deeply my wife of 31 years really loves me. But then, that is another story.

Leonardo S. Sicat Jr., 68, is a semi-retired administrator of a school in Dumaguete City, Negros Oriental.