A spiritual quest

Teach me Oh Lord to listen to myself

To trust the voice inside

The deepest part of me

—Received by e-mail, made quite an impact

I have received a lot of censure from members of my family because of the way I think. I was even branded satanic once upon a time, by one of my much older sisters who lived and breathed Roman Catholic. She was the idol of priests for she was generous and helped the Church in many ways, mostly financial. My mother, who was as staunch a Catholic as one could be, understood what I was going through and respected it.  Because she was so religious, it was quite a surprise to me that she never condemned or criticized my spiritual sojourns.

Perhaps, as a consequence of my writings, my dear brother is worried about my salvation. He has e-mailed reading materials relating to proofs of the existence of God. I suspect he has the notion that this is what I need in the sunset years of my life.  I truly and sincerely appreciate this for it shows genuine manifestation of love for his sister.  Thank you, Ting, I dearly love you for this.

I believe that the existence of God cannot be proven by logic, reasoning, experimentation, analysis, mathematics, or whatever the human mind is able to conceive at this point, given the advances in our science and technology. Our individual perception of who or what God is is the consequence of  the culture particular to each of us—incidence of our birth (relative to time, place, ancestry) education, external influences, and, for some, a personal awakening.

I am not seeking proofs that God exists for I am aware that this is an impossibility if what we want is an absolute truth, beyond any doubt and unassisted by faith, for the human mind is not equipped to satisfy this end. Even scientific theories are besieged by uncertainties and are often proven wrong by mathematical computations supported by experiments and observations.

I have accepted the fact that the god I am seeking cannot be reached through the process of intellectualization, an attribute of the human mind, but rather by a direct confrontation in the shedding of accumulated trash, an emptying of the mind, if you will, in order to receive the divine in its true form, pure and unembellished.  Our quest for a more relevant spirituality must not be impaired by too much attachment to dogmas and rituals and the belief that to doubt and question have horrible consequences. Part and parcel of the Church’s proselytizing was the appending of some human qualities to an almighty god, like the reward and punishment syndrome that dominated the faithful for centuries.

In my old age I have become more interested in the latest findings in the field of science born out of a sense of curiosity rather than anything significantly purposeful. The cosmos has always fascinated me—the micro and the macro dimensions of the universe, the big bang theory, the expansion of space and time, the warping of space and gravity. It fascinates me that most of these theories were arrived at through the process of mathematics, a discipline totally alien to me for the only area that makes sense where I am concerned are the basics—addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. Believe it or not, I even encounter problems in the simple computation of my household budget for I get confused as to what method to use—should I add or subtract?  I could have been an embarrassment to my father, who was a brilliant mathematician.

Although the world of science has accepted Darwin’s theory of evolution and Teilhard de Chardin’s concept that, at some time in the very distant past, the  efflorescence of atoms, molecules and elements somehow formed attachments that created life, scientists still cannot explain how life evolved from nonlife. They also consider a mystery how and why the confluence of molecules in the brain resulted in the appearance of intelligence or consciousness.

In 2007 a man called Robert Lanza came up with a very interesting concept that could very well upset the apple cart of science. He has come up with a book called “Biocentrism: The Theory of Everything.” Lanza is a doctor of medicine, is considered a genius, and is even likened to Albert Einstein.

According to Lanza’s concept, life is the central force that drives the universe and not, as has been believed, the accidental product of physical laws. He proposes that consciousness is the creator of the cosmos and is the reason every law in the universe is fine-tuned to the existence of life. He states that there is no reality outside of consciousness and that there cannot be an observed without an observer.

I find this very interesting although difficult to conceive because it goes against the grain of what we have learned from  experience. The way I understand this, consciousness predates everything in the entire cosmos for without life, nothing could have existed.

In one of Stephen Hawking’s lectures about the universe, he said that if the universe collapses into its singularity, time and space would disappear, in which case nothing can exist, not even God.

How about a superconsciousness beyond time and space and another dimension?

Carmelita Roxas Natividad describes herself as a retired mother and active grandmother who likes to write, garden, and bake, in that order.