I am such a failure.
And it is ridiculous for me to say
that I can still become a priest.
The truth is
Staying in the seminary will just get me frustrated.
So I never believed that
I can cope with all the demands asked from me.
My friends tell me
God will provide.
But that does not explain everything for me, I am certain that I would always be unworthy to become a priest.
God does not really care.
And I would be lying if I said
There would always be somebody who is going to stay in times of great difficulties.
I must not forget that
God, as God, does not need to help me.
It is not wise to surrender myself to the idea that
God works in mysterious ways.
Things are getting more and more difficult for me as a seminarian.
And I refuse to think that
God loves me.
It is very evident,
God is not doing anything to help.
It is impossible to say that
FAITH IS WHAT I NEED.
(But what I really have to do is view my perspective in the opposite light… Let’s start again, from the bottom line up.)
Baltazar “Dondon” Acebedo Jr., 20, studies at the University of Santo Tomas Central Seminary in Manila. He acquired his bachelor’s degree, major in philosophy, last month, and he says he is keenly decided to continue his theological studies and be ordained a priest soon. He wrote this piece last January, when he was struggling to finish his academic thesis.