Open letter from a mother to her 11-year-old son

Family members on both sides are members of rival fraternities.

The time will come that they will invite you to become a member. Or worse, your very own father will encourage you or even arrange for you to join.

Do not be pressured that “you have to” simply because it is “tradition.” And do not make the mistake of attributing your family heritage and whatever success we may have to the fraternity.

Perhaps what we have today, or what is to come tomorrow in terms of financial success, is achieved with the help of the frat. But my father, your grandfather, did not have to join a frat in order to be successful. Neither did my grandfather, whose hard work started the family business.

It is unimaginable how I can allow anyone to harm you. They say physical pain is different for men. But is it necessary? It is senseless, stupid, and an outright sin! Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit!

Fraternity hazing has claimed the lives of these boys: Marc Andre Marcos, Lex Leonum Fraternitas, San Beda College, 2012; Marvin Reglos, Lambda Rho Beta, SBC, 2012; Nor Silongan, Tau Gamma Phi, Notre Dame of Tacloban, 2011; Noel Borja, Tau Gamma Phi, Alternative Learning, 2010; EJ Karl Initia, Alpha Phi Omega, University of Makati, 2010; Menardo Clamucha, Kapatiran ng mga Kabataang Kriminolohiya, Iloilo, 2010;

Chester Paulo Abracias, Tau Gamma Phi, Enverga University, 2008; Cris Mendez, Sigma Rho, 2007; Marlon Villanueva, APO, University of the Philippines Los Baños, 2006; Den Daniel Reyes, Alpha Phi Beta, UP, 2000; Niño Calinao, Sigma Rho, UP, 1999; Alexandre Miguel Icasiano, Alpha Phi Beta, UP, 1998;

Mark Roland Martin, Epsilon Chi, 1995; Dennis Venturina, Sigma Rho, UP, 1994; Joselito Hernandez, Scintilla Juris, UP, 1992; Lenny Villa, Aquila Legis, Ateneo de Manila, 1991; Arbel Liwag, Beta Sigma, UP, 1984; Rolando Abad, APO, UP, 1977; Rolando Perez, Upsilon Sigma Phi, UP, 1969; Ferdinand Tabtab, APO, UP, 1967.

They died in the hands of their so-called brothers, or brods.

During initiation, they will take you to their headquarters, blindfold you, and make you kneel and chant your allegiance to the brotherhood and your submission to the senior master (or lord chancellor, archon, most illustrious fellow, supreme grand master, etc.). They will whack you on what they have found to be the tried and tested choice parts, where there will be no lasting mark, where the injury will be least seen by parents. And you are not expected to die.

But those boys died. And I don’t want anyone else to die. I don’t want you to be a victim, as your dad, your uncles and your grandfathers were all victims bound by a belief that when one subjects himself to physical torture and mental humiliation, he will belong. They want to belong because they think that will bring them success, for themselves and for their families.

My son, listen to me. When they say you will belong, ask this question: Belong to what? To a group whose members call themselves brothers through the tradition of initiation and hazing, long after these have been declared by the state as a criminal act?

You are a smart young man who, by your own effort, intelligence and good moral conduct, will make it into the world without a fraternity. I know this for a fact because you are my son. We raised you well. Join school organizations; that’s how your father and I met. We had good clean fun.

You need not join a frat, even if your dad begs you to.

—MOM