Love, death and property

Complications arising from the absence of a divorce law in the Philippines (we are the lone holdout in the world) have shown themselves in two instances involving prominent personalities.

The first is the death of Rep. Ignacio “Iggy” Arroyo, younger brother of former first gentleman Mike Arroyo, who passed away last week in London due to cardiac arrest following months of treatment for a liver ailment. The younger Arroyo is best known for manfully stepping up to the plate during a Senate hearing on the “Jose Pidal” bank accounts and claiming ownership of them. Earlier, Sen. Panfilo Lacson claimed that Mike Arroyo owned these accounts, supposedly containing over P200 million in campaign contributions.

Iggy Arroyo’s death would have simply passed through a day or two of the news cycle if not for the conflicting claims over “custody” of his remains from multiple sources: his girlfriend Grace Ibuna who was with him in London; his wife Alicia “Aleli” Arroyo and their 14-year-old daughter; and his adult daughter Bianca, from a first marriage to Marilen Jacinto.

A few days ago, Aleli Arroyo, a stockbroker and former chair of the Philippine Stock Exchange, called a news conference with her lawyer Lorna Kapunan (both of them are TOWNS awardees) to denounce certain “pretenders” who were claiming to be Iggy’s lawful wife and had acted “illegally” in agreeing to “pull the plug” on Arroyo who had been declared “brain dead” and was being kept alive by a life support system.

Aleli Arroyo and Kapunan said they hoped to travel to London to claim Iggy’s body and hold a wake for him in the conjugal home in La Vista, a posh subdivision in Quezon City.

Perhaps in self-defense, Ibuna gathered family members around her, including Iggy’s daughter Bianca who was supposedly authorized by the Arroyo family to make decisions regarding her father’s remains. A sister of Grace and Grace’s daughter Garrie, an aspiring singer who was fathered by actor Gabby Concepcion, also rushed to London to be by Grace’s side.

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Even the disinterested bystander cannot but be moved by the plight of both women, Aleli and Grace.

On one hand, there is Aleli, who says Iggy moved out of their home in 2005 and that, while they had begun annulment proceedings, these had not progressed so that she remains the legal wife. Should she give up her rights as a wife—and now a bereaved widow—and allow another woman to take over her role? What is her status now? Is she or isn’t she the rightful widow, and what claims, if any, would she and her daughter have on Iggy’s estate?

Grace, on the other hand, who reports say had been in a relationship with Iggy for four years, cannot be faulted for her devotion. She was by his side in London while he sought a cure for his liver ailment, and it was she who had to make the painful decision to disconnect him from his life support system.

As a side story, Grace said that the decision had been reached after she consulted with Mike Arroyo by phone. But the former first gentleman denied authorizing Grace to “pull the plug,” saying only that he told her: “You’re the one who’s there, you make the decision.” If true, it could only be described as cowardly, if not heartless. So much for rewarding someone who remained by your ailing brother’s side until his dying breath.

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This is what happens when we refuse to recognize the very human limits of love and marriage. We may make our vows of eternal love in a burst of optimism, but it is experience that will test those vows. And when those vows prove inadequate, or when love turns sour or bitter, what is the remedy for the spoiled recipe?

True, there is no guarantee that a divorce between Aleli and Iggy would have saved Aleli or Grace (or Iggy’s daughters) from heartbreak. That comes with the territory. But a divorce would have been a clear demarcation line on the relationship, instead of conferring legality on one woman and the status of the beloved on the other.

And certainly, the period of bereavement is not the time to be wrangling over custody of the remains or contesting wills (if any). But Aleli was right to remind the world that truly she is still Iggy’s wife, and that she deserves not just recognition but also gratitude, even if she for one reason or another, could not be by her husband’s side.

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The other story, of course, is the current dispute between the spouses Susana Madrigal Bayot-Ortigas and former Ambassador to Mexico Francisco “Paqui” Ortigas.

This paper has already run stories about the supposed serial womanizing and infidelity of Ortigas, scion of the clan that owns the Greenhills development as well as other pricey pieces of real estate. But his estranged wife is no slouch either, belonging to the Madrigal clan that owns extensive real estate holdings just outside Metro Manila.

It was a marriage uniting two wealthy, influential and high society clans, but the reality, at least according to Bayot-Ortigas’ court pleading, was tawdry and demeaning.

I found it interesting that the only response Ortigas issued to the controversy was that he belonged to a “decent” family and didn’t believe in airing his dirty linen in public. The couple is now seeking to end their marriage, with Susana claiming that all she wants is to be given back control of her “paraphernal property,” or property in her name before her marriage.

Divorce would not only allow Bayot-Ortigas control over her personal property, but could even assure her of a monthly alimony. If the judge believes her pleading, she is certainly the injured party.

But divorce would also allow Paqui Ortigas to go on his merry way—although not even marriage, it seems, seemed to stop him from straying.