When leaders throw a tantrum
The no-show. The accusations. The unnecessary theatrics and drama. Entering the fourth week since the change in Senate leadership, this is no longer entertaining. It is draining. Four weeks of uncertainty, not knowing if the Senate will get its act together and start functioning. Giving up hope for the bills that are languishing on that plenary floor.
This exhaustion feels oddly familiar to me. And then it hit me: this is what it feels like to deal with a toddler’s tantrum.
A tantrum, at least among children, is a behavioral manifestation of severe emotion dysregulation. When a child gets overwhelmed by a strong unpleasant emotion, such as frustration or upset, this can cause them to lash out via screaming, crying, kicking, hitting, or refusing to obey orders. Tantrums aren’t manipulative per se; a child is not necessarily engaging in these behaviors just to get what they want. More likely, it’s because they’re experiencing big feelings and they don’t know what to do about it. The younger the child, the more we anticipate tantrums since they do not yet have the capacity to fully verbalize how they feel nor do they understand why they are feeling what they’re feeling.
Ideally, it is best to deal with tantrums by helping children navigate through their feelings. We have a rule for this: regulate, relate, and reason. When a child is upset and is throwing a tantrum, it is best to calmly redirect them toward soothing activities such as big hugs before we even try to tell them that what they are doing is disruptive. When a child starts to calm down, we relate with them, so they know they’re not alone in their feelings. Only after they feel calm and understood do we attempt to reason with them why the way they’re solving their problems are probably not helpful in the long run.
While tantrums start out as an emotional expression of overwhelm, it can turn problematic once they are reinforced. Instead of learning to self-regulate, children can learn that tantrums help them get what they want. This happens when parents, tired from all the screaming, just hands over the toy or the phone or the TV remote. Why self-regulate when I can instead cause stress and panic so that people give me what I desire? For parents, the challenge is to figure out how to help children soothe and feel understood while making sure that they do not continue hurting themselves or others.
How does this translate to what is happening in the Senate?
At the very least, government and the people should ensure that elected leaders that pull these stunts should not be rewarded for their behavior. They should not be allowed to act with impunity. Elected leaders, especially, need to be held at a higher standard of accountability. They are in their positions because of public trust; they cannot keep holding on to their position as if it is their birthright. The different branches of government serve as each other’s check-and-balance—they keep each other from going off the rails. As such, the Senate is not immune from lawful arrests and legal consequences.
When they were able to successfully stop Sen. Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa from being arrested by local law enforcement, that reinforces their obstructive behavior. When Sen. Robinhood Padilla gave Dela Rosa a ride out of the Senate, allowing him to escape, that reinforces obstructive behavior. It is simple: successful attempts at obstruction makes future obstructive behavior more likely.
And now Senate President Alan Cayetano continues to obstruct by refusing to preside and hold plenary sessions. There are even allegations of air-conditioning and Wi-Fi being shut off, though the Senate administration disputes this. As long as there are no real and immediate consequences for these actions, expect more theatrics to continue.
In a child’s tantrum, we try to understand what it is that they need. Sometimes, however, what they want is not appropriate, such as screen time or not doing their homework. In such cases, we still regulate and relate: we validate that it is upsetting not to get what we want and that, unfortunately, we live in a world where not everything we want is available to us. The real solution then becomes how to accept when things do not go our way. For children, this could be to soothe, to allow them to feel upset and cry, to take stock of the good things that they do have, and perhaps to rethink their strategy so that someday they do get what they want.
The current Senate president must accept that his position is ultimately temporary and is determined by his colleagues. If he wants to effect change, he should be assured that there are more appropriate parliamentary ways of making that happen. If what he wants is for him and his colleagues to escape accountability for their actions, he needs to accept that we live in a country of laws and trust that due process will afford them a chance to clear their name.
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