For many, a new year represents a chance for a fresh start. We make personal resolutions and goals for ourselves, with the hope of becoming a better us. We also know that by February, a lot of these resolutions get discarded and, by June, completely forgotten. This is because we tend to create unrealistic goals—lose this much weight, work out this much, earn this much money. We set a goal without taking the time to think about the how. Since the outcome is the only metric, we tend to starve and tire ourselves out, which results in us giving up entirely.
Instead, I would like to encourage everyone to consider committing to values instead of goals. Values can always be practiced every day and in multiple aspects of our lives, making them a much more realistic yardstick than outcome-based goals. Values also provide us with the how, guiding us into achieving our goals in a much more sustainable way. For 2025, my call to action is for us to commit to kindness.
I met up recently with an academic mentor who, many years ago, had written a wonderful book on how to talk and listen to each other. We were discussing how timely that book would have been now, given how polarized the world had become. I stressed that her written tips and strategies would still be useful today, if only people valued effective communication over being right. We see nowadays how people prefer talking over others rather than having a genuine conversation. Honestly, I feel people in general have become quite mean. Especially for Filipinos, with our sense of kapwa, pakikiramdam, and pahiwatig, the callous and mean comments we (and our public servants) make on social media feel so dissonant with our cultural values.
Kindness as a virtue means to be caring and considerate of others. It also necessitates that we are generous, not resorting to transactional calculations in our interactions with others. To be kind is to give ourselves freely. We can be kind by being giving of our time, effort, patience, or trust. We extend genuine kindness without measuring if the receiver “deserves” it; it is not conditional. We are kind simply because we choose to be kind. Because it is rooted in a principled choice, everyone is inherently capable of kindness, even if it is not always easy to do so.
Kindness is a great team player; it can live alongside other values, such as social justice and fairness. While it complements selflessness, it does not require us to be martyrs or be against self-interest. Contrary to modernist opinion, it is not merely a value for others to take advantage of but a strength we can rely on. For example, we can assert our rights in a kind manner.
My personal idols in social justice work are those who are able to campaign successfully for change by listening to the other (usually more powerful) side and addressing their fears when it comes to systemic change. Instead of shaming them to change, they shore up their courage to change. This psychological step in social justice work is important and often overlooked since fear and anxiety can lead to the shutting down of empathy. Fear and anxiety limit us to only focus on personal survival. Empathy, by making us consider others’ perspectives, promotes actions that help us thrive as a community. Agents of social change know when to wield kindness to soothe others’ fears, which then allows empathy to be activated. Only then can we be more effective in encouraging everyone toward a sustainable win-win solution. I genuinely believe that kindness, in this way, can change the world.
We can disagree with kindness. What would it look like to express a different opinion without putting others down? To be kind is to not hold superiority over others even as we assert ourselves. We can make arguments while respecting others’ experiences. In fact, having earnest discussions can be a form of respect for an opponent’s intellectual capacity. Sidestepping these discussions by making personal attacks, such as what we’ve seen in Senate and congressional hearings, is disrespectful and unkind. Be kind and answer the question. Be kind and listen to the explanation.
Kindness should also be directed at ourselves. Give yourself the gift of grace. This means allowing yourself to move on from mistakes and imperfections, allowing yourself to be fully present and ready for the future. Be kind to your feelings and emotions—make room for them instead of pushing them away. If you listen to your emotions, they will point you toward what you need. Kindness is crucial to forgiveness and moving on. Being kind to ourselves will make us better people.
2025 will test our political resolve with elections looming ahead. If we want a kind world, let’s choose leaders who embody kindness. Let us cultivate kind social spaces, online and offline. Above all, let’s make a commitment to be kind to ourselves so that we can look forward to the new year.
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aatuazon@up.edu.ph