I see you

A public school teacher, in an attempt to make learning more interactive, asks her preschool students to fill in the blanks. The lesson for the day was on family. At the onset, hearing them supplying the correct answers in unison was comforting. When it came to parents, nanay was viewed as “ang ilaw ng tahanan” but for tatay, it was different. A youngster called him ”lasing,” another ”adik,” and when the teacher tried to rectify the situation and prompted her class, hoping that they would get it right this time, instead of “haligi,” they answered “halimaw.”

This was a video that elicited over two million views, shared multiple times, and was accompanied by canned laughter.

Several years ago, our society through the initiative of our president got us involved in an orphanage. We were to be the main providers of needed pediatric care and medical assistance. It was run by a kindhearted couple who had given up their dreams of working overseas to bring up their own children alongside those who had been neglected or living off the streets in their neighborhood.

The two-story structure located in a congested area for informal settlers served as living quarters, school, and library for those too young to attend public school. On our initial visit, two little girls, who must have been around 3 years old at that time, and recent additions to their growing family stood out from the rest, not by virtue of being twins, but because of the numerous profanities they uttered, which were at that time part of their everyday language. Their faces and their frail frames bore traces of the life they had led and their sad eyes hid secrets, maybe even dark memories that possibly could leave them scarred for life. In the years that followed, we witnessed how their integration into a loving environment, transformed them into happy, secure, and respectful individuals all because of two people who were selfless and courageous enough to make it their life mission to provide both home and haven to children who are not their own.

“Sa mata ng bata, ang maling ginagawa ay nagiging tama kapag ito`y ginagawa ng nakatatanda.” These words had come from an old TV commercial. The last shot was of a child who bore an expression bordering on confusion while looking back at a sign that warned against jaywalking, helpless, as the adult was deliberately pulling him along in blatant defiance of the order.

In the story shared previously, the twins, before being taken away from a toxic environment probably thought that the language they grew up hearing was the norm rather than the exception.

How many of us still take offense or even cringe when we hear less than palatable, crass, or crude remarks, punctuated with twisted beliefs that are unbelievably generally met by applause and laughter? Growing up, saying anything remotely close to vulgar was enough to earn both a glare and a sound scolding from the elders. Some parents have said that going through this route may be ineffective at present. They either outstare you, boldly reason out, or use your words against you. How you react would largely be dependent on the parenting style you are employing to raise them. In the Philippines, from data gathered, an authoritative rather than an authoritarian rule is the one more commonly being used.

Two friends, a dad of three, together with an adolescent expert had this to share. Their children who are millennials, in situations when their attention is called, have told them that they dislike hearing the words, ”during our time.” While they may have a point since so much has changed, my colleagues stress the importance of creating a nurturing relationship and efforts have to be made toward clearly communicating that though they are open to discussions, and can be flexible within reason, there are still rules to be followed and they are still the parent. There are things expected of them and they need to be accountable for their actions.

Most of us will agree that our parents were responsible for instilling basic values and teaching the concept of right and wrong. At some point in our lives, when faced with gray areas, these are the building blocks that guide us in decision-making. What you say and what you do, especially if privileged to be in positions of influence, can greatly affect another.

The late Jackie Kennedy had her own take on this and said, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”

Learn to be the person that you want your children to be. Lead and live by example. Keep in mind that a large part of who they are is shaped by how you raised them.

They see you, they hear you, and yes, they do listen.

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