The UP dream

Matatapang. Matatalino. Walang takot, kahit kanino.

I was then 10 years old when I realized I wanted to study at the University of the Philippines Diliman. UP was the dream, I worked hard just to fit the “iskolar” standard.

I was not smart back then. I remember getting a failing score on a math exam, which resulted in my mom (a retired math teacher), freaking out. She spent hours and hours trying to teach me how to divide fractions, but her efforts were nonetheless unsuccessful.

She tried to give me ultimatums, like “Hindi ka lalabas hanggat hindi mo nakukumpleto ang multiplication table!” And knowing me, I was the usual “batang kalsada” and I’ll do everything it takes just to play “langit-lupa” with my friends outside. But that afternoon, I stayed in.

Did I stay in to finish my multiplication table? No, I didn’t. I was just stubborn.

Despite our lack of financial capability, she was so scared of me failing sixth-grade mathematics, that she hired a tutor for me. I remember spending my afternoons with Sir Ray inside the classroom, trying to understand how to move a decimal point. Did I understand? I didn’t. But to my surprise, every English lesson he threw my way would have excellent results. He’d be shocked with how my grammar improved and how I could write essays with given time limits. However, I would still fail at dividing fractions.

Now when you hear a person say “Pangarap ko mag-UP,” you’d automatically assume they’d have a straight line of 9’s in their card from elementary to high school. They excelled in every extracurricular activity and participated in the student government. That’s the stereotypical iskolar ng bayan in the making. However, I was not like that at all.

So despite my fear of numbers, I tried to at least memorize and understand the concepts, but still ended up with a line of 8.

When you get to this point of my story, you’ll wonder, how is this UP material? Where is this story going? This kid literally told me everything BUT her excellence so where does she get her confidence that UP Diliman would accept her?

Well to cut the story short, UP didn’t. I was rejected by UP Diliman.

Last year, at this exact same time, I received my rejection letter. I broke down as I stared at the red letters that read “Thank you” in my UP Portal. In an empty classroom, surrounded by my friends, I cried my heart out.

My world stopped and my dreams were shattered, I felt like all the hard work I did just to get to my current academic standing was put to waste. I spent my whole high school years trying to build the perfect “iskolar.”

Maybe the world didn’t end that day, or I wasn’t physically harmed. But something—someone—died inside me that day. The little girl who was so bad at mathematics wept, I blamed her. If only she performed better, if only I got the highest grades in my class. But enough about the past, let me tell you about the present.

Today, I just finished my first year as a freshman at UP Los Baños, I got accepted as a development communication major, with an academic standing that my younger self would doubt I even gathered.

So if you’re reading this, and you just lost an opportunity that means the world to you, do not fret. Rejection is oftentimes a disguise for redirection. This year’s UP College Admission Test has recently been held, and if you were one of the students who spent hours and hours studying for it, I’m rooting for you.

But let me give you some unsolicited advice: live. Live your life the way you want to. You will get in, if you want it hard enough, you will. You don’t need your perfect marks or your long list of achievements. You don’t need to be the best in your class. You don’t need to beat anyone to get there.

UP does not look at your brain, UP looks at your heart.

What’s meant for you will always find its way to you. Even in the most peculiar, chaotic, disastrous way. You are where you are meant to be. You will be where you are meant to be.

In time of doubt, always remember the UP chant: Matatapang. Matatalino. Walang takot, kahit kanino. Gan’yan kaming mga taga-UP.

Because ang tunay na iskolar ng bayan, ang tanging pangarap ay mag lingkod para sa bayan.

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Eunice A. Reyes, 19, a dreamer. She hopes that her words will one day make her dreams come true.