Girlhood and KathNiel

After the breakup news erupted in late 2023, I found myself sitting down to marathon KathNiel films spanning the years.

KathNiel, a portmanteau for Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla, is one of Philippine cinema’s most beloved and prolific love teams. In mid-2016, the then teen couple confirmed they were exclusively dating.

After achieving success on the small screen, KathNiel began venturing into cinema. Their first top-billed film, “Must Be … Love” (2013) is a coming-of-age rom-com movie that follows the love story of Patchot and Ivan, played by Bernardo and Padilla, respectively.

Being roughly 11 years old when it was released, I thought I related most to Patchot. For me, grade school revolved around studying and crushes. I remember developing a crush on my best friend, but never having my feelings requited. While it definitely hurt, I possessed hope that I might have been in the early parts of my KathNiel love story—I may not know it then, but the boy I like will eventually come around and realize that I am more attractive than other girls.

Another thing these films taught me is that a physical transformation has to commence which will make the previously unappealing girl not only attractive, but also visible. This is shown in “Must Be … Love,” as well as in another KathNiel film, “She’s Dating the Gangster” (2014).

After a few “transformation sessions” with her aunt, Patchot had become “prettier”—her brows all plucked, and her straight hair sleeker than ever. Her aunt handed her a pouch full of beauty products, small bottles of creams which Patchot religiously applied on her face and body. With her new beauty regimen and an endless line of products which were intentional ad placements, Patchot grew unrecognizable.

A similar plot device is present in “She’s Dating the Gangster,” which centers on the love story of Athena and Kenji. Athena (Bernardo) is depicted as an impressionable, yet baduy girl from the province. She had wire-like hair, wore large glasses and unfashionable clothes before Kenji (Padilla) arranged a hair transformation for Athena and bought her form-fitting clothes. Like what happened to Patchot in “Must Be … Love,” Athena became unidentifiable and gained confidence after the transformation. Subsequently, Kenji began treating her with less harshness and even fell in love with her.My pubescent years were defined by shelves of beauty products and numerous salons I had to visit for aesthetic treatments. My parents had natural waves, so I have it, too. In “Must Be … Love,” Patchot’s hair is insanely straight and flowing. Similarly, the girls in my primary school had straight hair, which led me to despise my wavy locks. It was a monumental relief that when I reached high school, my mom finally permitted me to undergo hair treatments. I can recount several instances when I was seated at the salon as a teen, imagining myself as Patchot or Athena and getting the transformation of my dreams. Leaving the salon, my hair was more manageable, albeit saturated with chemicals that were anything but harmless. Ultimately, it resembled the hair of the girls at school.

Looking back, the idea of a young child enduring the transformation into a supposedly more physically attractive version of themselves, and bearing the pressure of expectations regarding attractiveness is truly disheartening. But at that time, adherence seemed the best option. No one will pay attention if you are anything but pretty, and the way I understood it back then, attention is love—or it could turn into it.

Eventually, my peers started having romantic partners. In the usual eat-outs with friends, there came an additional two or more boys to accompany my girl-friends. I listened to them tell and retell stories about their first hugs, first dates, and first kisses. I was there to console them through bad fights and awful fallouts with their boyfriends. I was never the one to bring a plus-one to events, recount stories of my romantic thrills, or need a tub of ice cream to soothe the sting of a breakup: I was merely the uninvited guest in the wild event called love.

The unexplainable feeling of being left out birthed questions: What else should I change about myself to be attractive? Is it my hair still? More makeup? Is it my dark complexion? Am I not boyish enough to get along with boys? Am I not girly enough to be liked? When will it be my turn?

It takes a lot to grow from being a girl to a woman. Most of my questions remain unanswered. Beauty, attraction, and love remain elusive concepts. With the breakup news of KathNiel, it felt like my passage from girlhood to womanhood officially met an end, though I like to believe otherwise. After all, it is in growing up that we get to enjoy doing our makeup and suffer chemical burns on our scalps due to hair treatments. It is in growing up that we get to watch rom-com films and imagine our own ideal love story. It is in growing up that we meet our family, boys, other girls, and ourselves, and realize that love is, certainly, all around.

Kyla Jimenez, 21, is a student at the University of the Philippines Los Baños, pursuing a communication arts degree. Her writing and research interests encompass popular culture, memory studies, and women’s narratives.