Seeing children through the storm

This is my son’s first monsoon season. Loud rumbles of thunder. Flashes of lightning. The seemingly endless sound of heavy raindrops splattering on our window. The southwest monsoon, enhanced by both Tropical Depression “Butchoy” and Typhoon “Carina,” has been going at it hard for the last few days, with more rain still expected up to next week. I’m thankful my baby doesn’t easily get startled by the noise, though he ended up with more fitful sleep. If anything, he hugged and clung to us more as he slept (which we didn’t mind at all).

Other children may not be as lucky. Storms can be frightening for children. At the milder end, the sudden and loud noises can overwhelm their senses, making it difficult to regulate. In some cases, storms can be traumatic. I remember stories from children and youth during Supertyphoon “Yolanda” how the sights and sounds of the howling wind and torrential rain were ingrained in their memories, making them fearful of even milder rain later on. Even without having gone through such a traumatic experience, children’s unfamiliarity with what happens during a storm—and how to cope with any aftereffects—can further amplify their fears. Without any prior experience to compare it to, they are unable to assure themselves that the storm can pass without incident. Catastrophic thinking can occur, where they imagine the worst-case scenario.

How can we help ensure our children’s mental well-being during a storm?

First, do not panic. When children see adults panic, they panic, too. Children look up to us to keep them safe. Depending on their age and development, they may not yet have the skill to regulate their own fears and worries. This is where we, parents, need to help them by modeling how to be calm in a crisis. We need to soothe them as they may not yet be able to soothe themselves effectively. We should not simply dismiss or minimize their concerns; we can validate that loud noises can be scary or that we can feel anxious when rains go on for days (especially if they have just read about Noah’s Ark!). Alongside validating their emotions, remind them that they are not alone and that we are here to keep them safe.

Disaster mental health shows us there are things we can do to help a child cope well from disasters: establishing (1) a sense of safety, (2) a sense of normalcy, and (3) a sense of agency.

As regards to safety, it is much better to enact an emergency plan earlier rather than later. If a child knows that there is such a plan, they will feel more safe. Identify places of higher ground you can evacuate to. This can be your local evacuation center; this can also be homes of relatives or friends that are accessible and flood-free. Identify the closest place from home, from school, and from work so that your plan is flexible. If you do not require evacuation, tell your children where your go-bags are located. It would be good to hand them a water-tight container to put their valuables in, so they no longer have to worry about them. Walk them through how the household is prepared for a few days of being stuck indoors or without electricity.

A sense of normalcy occurs when children can have a more predictable day. Stick to familiar and comforting routines such as meals and bedtimes. Encourage them to engage in their favorite indoor hobbies and activities. Even doing homework can help to bring back a sense of normal. This helps them learn that crisis are relatively short-term events. Crisis ends and life goes on.

Children (and adults) that have a sense of agency during a crisis are more likely to develop resilience. Even a small role in the recovery effort can give a person a sense of efficacy or that they are capable of solving problems. Give them age-appropriate tasks such as securing their own belongings, helping to set the table, or playing with the younger children. (Infants, of course, like my own, do not yet need to help. They can focus on cuddles and lullabies.)

Storms like these can also be a chance for children to exercise empathy and compassion. Instead of celebrating suspension of classes and work, we can encourage them to have gratitude for their safety and wish that others are safe as well. We can even have them join us in volunteer efforts, such as packing or distributing relief goods. If children see that they can rebuild their lives— and others’—after a disaster or crisis, they will be less likely to give in to hopelessness.

As Filipinos, we have seen more of our fair share of storms and typhoons. We are so used to them that we may overlook our children’s fears and worries. There is a lot we can do to make them feel safe and protected from the elements.

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aatuazon@up.edu.ph