From caterpillar to butterfly

Have you ever watched a caterpillar transform into a butterfly? A caterpillar does this through a process that requires it to stop eating, hang itself upside down from a twig, wiggle from its skin underneath, and split itself open, shedding its former self. Then, it covers itself in a silky cocoon and molts into a chrysalis. The outer skin hardens, and, over time, the caterpillar develops its body inside the cocoon. It digests itself and rebuilds itself, too. It eventually transforms into a beautiful butterfly. It may take more or less two weeks for it to transform fully.

Development is the overall change of a particular individual or thing. People always associate development with the word “growth.” They always say that it is the same thing, but I think otherwise. Growth focuses on the physical aspects while development is broader in terms of change. We can say that development is the overall spectrum of change toward improvement. Together, growth and development bring about change.

Development is like a caterpillar that undergoes a process to improve itself. It turns into a beautiful butterfly and continuously adds speckles of colors to its wings as it matures and adapts to the beauty of nature around it, never going back to its original form. Changes and improvements surround us in different aspects like the community, technology, infrastructure, and people. Both are vital because everything and everyone has to adapt to the dynamism of their environment.

My mother told me that writing letters was the medium of communication then. When she was younger, her handwritten letters would take days or weeks to reach the recipient. If she wanted same-day delivery, a five-word telegram would be the only option, at a higher cost. Telephones came in corded with analog dialing, and not every home had one. Now, the smartphone can even make video calls.

Suppose you ask me what I envision myself to be.

I see myself being fearless like a lion to its predators, or confident like a pineapple, which stands tall and wears a crown but is sweet inside. I see myself as robust as a gladiolus flower with strong stems and roots as foundations. How can I be these and more? I was still like a caterpillar back then—shy, ordinary, and going about at a snail’s pace.

When I was around 15-16 years old, I was always lonely even though my family and friends were around me. It was like standing in a busy city, watching people pass by without even feeling any connection to them. That loneliness slowly developed into sadness. There was no shine in my eyes even when I smiled. I did not talk that much anymore as if uttering words was uneasy and a punishment. I wanted to stay alone, huddled in the private corner of my room, my cocoon.

It was like drowning in a deep ocean, and I could not pull myself up. I always felt sweat pouring down my body, my legs like wobbly jelly, teeth chattering, and there were times that I could not control my hands. They trembled and had this odd rhythm. I became scared of people. When I saw others, there was that irrational fear of them hurting me. I even became fearful of myself because I never knew what I would do with my life. I needed help.

My first option was to turn to my family. It turned out to be the best option for me to step out of the darkness. Then, I got professional help. At 16, I was clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I had to have medications and therapy.

Slowly, I realized how vital self-love is—that it must be prioritized above the love of others. But both kinds of love must be equally valued. We should start by loving ourselves because we cannot share what we do not have. I learned to develop self-love and started to feel better and well. I learned how important self-worth is; with the right values, attitude, and knowing our priorities, we can be better. Then came the time that I had to leave my cocoon and spread my wings. I flew and freed myself.

Development may undergo different processes. People may have different views on development. Nevertheless, we can all agree that we have to move out of our status quo. Envisioning development is the first step in attaining growth itself. Once you envision and dream it, you can work toward it. Everyone and everything needs to develop because everyone and everything has something to improve on.

A caterpillar symbolizes a time when you must transform into your better self. It reveals your willingness to let go of the past. Like a caterpillar, we should shed our former bodies and former selves to be who we want to be. We need to break out of our cocoons and comfort zones, embrace our true selves, and turn into a butterfly. And like a butterfly, freely going from flower to flower, from gardens to forests, savoring the sweetness of each flower’s nectar, contributing to the cultivation and development of new flowers and plants, a new development cycle begins.

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Lois Gabrielle D. Tobias, 21, is an aspiring writer who wishes to use her experiences to motivate everyone.