Unlike others, I entered college without the dream of finishing it. I said to myself that I just wanted to experience it for a semester, that I just wanted to try it and be there—even just for a while.
I came from a poor family. When I was in elementary, my mom would never let us go to school without eating breakfast even though it was usually just some rice topped with white sugar, and sometimes if the budget permitted, my three siblings and I could share a pack of noodles. I never thought that rice topped with sugar was not the usual breakfast. I honestly thought that our breakfast was just like the others but after all, breakfast is still breakfast and I’m thankful for what we had and could afford that time.
At an early age, my mom made me realize how important education is. Others rode in nice and fast vehicles while we only had a bicycle that she earnestly pedaled with me and my siblings in it just so we could arrive safely at school.
As I grew up, dreams of finishing college slowly vanished. I thought that I should immediately find a job after graduating high school to help my parents. That’s why after graduation, I submitted résumés to a couple of employers; however, some plans weren’t meant to be. I never did make the cut.
Then I realized that maybe if I go to college even just for a semester, I could put it in my résumé and it could boost my chances of landing a job. But despite the free tuition and miscellaneous fees, I knew that we still couldn’t afford the expenses. So I tried my best to earn by doing portrait artwork and working as a salesman in a little store in our town market.
I managed to earn a little and eventually, my parents sent me to college and gave me an allowance. I was really grateful even though it was not much.
My first year challenged me financially and mentally. During my first semester, I was strict about my budget and only ate dinner, skipping breakfast and lunch. Sometimes if I was fortunate enough, I could eat one can of tuna for two meals. I also couldn’t spend money on photocopies of handouts, so I always had to borrow reviewers from my classmates. I skipped riding tricycles inside the university because the fare was enough to buy rice.
I remember crossing out dates in the calendar of my student planner, counting the days I’ve been here and how much time was still left before the semester ended.
But sometimes life moves in ways that you couldn’t explain. I started having friends. I noticed that they became suddenly aware that I always skipped meals. I do not know how they knew but whenever they invited me to eat with them, they always treated me and never asked for anything in exchange. One friend even said to me that I could borrow money from her whenever I needed it. But I never did because I did not want to add to my family’s debts.
Whenever I felt like giving up, I would cry. The thought of not having a choice suffocated me knowing that if I gave up, the burden would just be passed to my younger siblings and I did not want them to experience the hardships I was going through.
I’ve always been reminded of what my grandmother told me when I was little. She said that I should study hard because it’s really hard not to have an education. It’s funny how as a child, we wake up with huge dreams in mind. I dreamt of becoming an astronaut, doctor, lawyer, journalist, or teacher. But when we finally had to choose between continuing college to reach our dreams and having to stop so that we could help our families, we would choose the latter; dreams suddenly don’t matter anymore because we are now focused on surviving every day.
As my first semester ended, I realized that if life doesn’t give you any other choice, you just choose what you want to pursue. I realized that I would rather spend the next days of my life finishing a degree I love and succeeding than spend my life thinking and wondering what could have happened had I continued.
I did say that, unlike others, I entered college without the dream of finishing it. I mean it. But when I look back, I realize that during that first semester, it eventually became a lie I continuously told myself. A reason I came up with so that I could never give up.
Maybe it was a lie at first but eventually, when I met friends, experienced things and the university became my home, I found something that I could treasure forever. I started dreaming of finishing college.
One thing I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter what vehicle you rode during your earlier years in school, whether it was as slow as a bicycle or as fast as a car. It doesn’t matter whatever breakfast you had before going to school, whether it was as simple as rice topped with sugar or as festive as a buffet. It doesn’t matter because, after all, it will only lead us to one finish line—graduation.
Joshua Mendoza, 23, graduated cum laude and now dedicates his life to helping develop and empower rice farming communities.