Teach and reteach good manners

Recent headlines brought attention to the extensive litter left in various sections of Rizal Park following the New Year celebration. The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA) reportedly collected 60 trash bags containing discarded items such as bottles, food waste, and straws. MMDA issued a statement urging the public to adhere to responsible waste disposal—a behavior that ideally should be automatic for every adult citizen but, unfortunately, still requires explicit reinforcement.

Last Friday, I observed the challenges faced by flight attendants in enforcing in-flight rules among Filipino passengers. Despite repeated requests to refrain from standing to retrieve their luggage before receiving clearance from the pilot, some disregarded the instructions. The lack of compliance with basic airplane etiquette extended to the disembarkation process, with several individuals ignoring the queuing system for leaving the aircraft.

Good manners encompass polite and respectful conduct in a social situation, guiding individuals to have orderly, considerate, and appropriate interactions. Knowing how to follow basic etiquette is crucial in preventing misunderstandings and conflict. Fostering mindfulness of people’s feelings, beliefs, and expectations creates more positive and harmonious relationships within communities.

In certain situations, knowing how to conduct ourselves properly could mean the difference between life and death. This was evident in the recent successful evacuation of 379 people aboard the burning Japan Airlines flight 516. Aviation safety experts commended how the passengers calmly followed directions to proceed to the exit and how no one insisted on pausing to collect their carry-on baggage. I could not help but wonder if we Filipinos would similarly respond in a disciplined manner if confronted with the same situation.

Perhaps one reason for our tendency to overlook etiquette rules may be the influence of an environment that often encourages circumventing regulations. In the Philippines, it is not uncommon to discover that there are major differences between the stated guidelines and the actual way of doing things. The pervasive mindset that rules are merely suggestions seem to have seeped into our general societal behavior, cultivating a culture of “every man for himself” rather than a culture of respect and consideration.

Another explanation is that many people are simply not aware. Given that humans often learn by mirroring behavior, if all the examples they see are workarounds, those actions become their established social norms. This prompts reflection on how the imparting of basic etiquette and good manners to Filipino children could be strengthened, as well as how fundamental social behaviors could be actively retaught to adults.

Among children, it is important to explain the “why” behind basic rules of conduct and how they are rooted in self-respect and respect for others. Whether at schools or within the home, explicit teaching of rules should consistently involve guiding children to explore the consequences of their actions in a social situation. This enables them to recognize and appreciate their interconnectedness with other members of their community, and society as a whole. Incentivizing good manners by acknowledging and praising them will further encourage positive behavior. Additionally, helping children process conflicting instances can contribute to their understanding of the complexities of social dynamics.

Among adults, we need to reteach basic etiquette by creating more environments where good manners are modeled. When we moved to La Union in 2021, the first thing we noticed was that almost all restaurants had a Claygo (clean as you go) policy. People made sure they put away their trays and did what they could to ensure the next diners would have a clean table. This considerate behavior carried over even to restaurants without the policy. Not only does this create a more hygienic dining experience, but it also gives the staff more time to focus on more important elements of cleaning like sanitation and disinfection. First-time tourists who may not be aware of the practice eventually pick up the habit based on what they observe.

If we feel compelled to call out other people’s inappropriate behavior in social settings, we need to do so with compassion. It is important to acknowledge that those from privileged backgrounds have more opportunities to encounter moments that impart etiquette rules. Given that the majority of our population may not share the same exposure, resorting to callous self-righteousness when correcting others is a graver sin, in my opinion, than the absence of good manners itself.

How we show up in the small moments of our day largely dictates how we show up in the big moments of our lives. Committing to uphold good manners even in seemingly inconsequential situations, helps us to practice respect and mindfulness more consistently, contributing to a more harmonious society.

eleanor@shetalksasia.com