I’m Yvan, and I’m a magnet.
I attract failures, rejections, and disappointments in life. I have the desire to serve our school and believe that I will become a good student-leader.
But I was wrong, I ended up with so many failures. The first was when I ran for senior high school representative in the student council (SC) when I was in Grade 11 and lost. Although I did not succeed in that election, it didn’t matter since I was just a freshman student knowing that there were still other chances to serve our school. I ran for the same position the following year and lost.
My third failure was during my first year in college, the same school where I ran for the position of SC secretary. I thought that three was a lucky number but it wasn’t. For the third time, I lost, again.
The fourth one was when I was in my second year; I ran for SC vice president but didn’t win. There were regret and sadness because of that series of losses.
I’m in my third year now, my last chance to serve and lead because fourth-year students in our college are restricted from seeking any position. So I took a leap of faith to run again. Having the courage and aspiration, I applied for the SC president position. Yes, I regained my confidence and eagerness to serve my fellow students. My most awaited moment came; it was the day of canvassing. I looked forward that this was going to be my time. I prayed a lot and remembered what someone told me: “If it’s the will of the Lord, He will give it to you.” But lo and behold, I lost again—for the fifth time. If it was not the will of the Lord, then what was it? I asked myself.
The day after the proclamation of the new officers, a student asked if I was okay. I shook my head. He tapped my shoulder and told me, “Don’t worry, it’s part of life. But always remember that no matter what happens, it does not define who you are.” I was unsure whether to believe what he said. There were many questions that I wanted to ask God. While I was meditating, I tried my best to list down all those questions. I found it difficult to seek His answers but with the help of other people, I realized that I may lose the election, but it doesn’t define my determination, passion, and zeal to serve our school. I can serve and contribute to it even though I was not elected president. The dean allowed me to continue some of my platforms for the SC—the revival of Tanglaw, the school’s publication, establishing the Rover Scouting in the seminary, and composing the official school hymn—and that gave me more happiness than being president.
Subsequently, a priest told me, “You know my son, a loser is someone who will not speak, just cry, and stay in a place after what happened. But what you did was not like that. You stood up and had the courage to tell the dean how you felt after what happened. You may have lost the election, but you are not a loser. You are brave enough to speak what was in your heart.” He added that one way of helping me to define myself is by asking someone who knows me more, and that is Jesus. He knows me even more than myself and there is nothing that I can hide from him.
When Jesus went to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” That priest told me to ask Jesus the same question, “Who do you say that I am?” or rephrase it to “Lord, who do you say that Yvan is?”
I forgot that a magnet has two poles, the negative and the positive. Things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to maybe because they weren’t for me to begin with. Possibly there was a better plan and place for me, a position that awaited me. I was then appointed as academic minister of the student council and editor in chief of Tanglaw.
While looking at the statue of the crucified Christ or in the Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle, I knew that it would not speak and give me the answer. I endeavor to search for what I am looking for. Until one day, during our recollection, the speaker said that in silence, the Lord speaks to us. After my failures in life, I am dwelling in that silence to listen to His answers to my prayers and to search His will for me. I am still seeking His answer but one thing that I am sure of is that I am not a failure. I am His beloved.
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Rodmar Yvan Q. Serafines, 20, is a student from Rogationist Seminary College of Philosophy Manila. He is a singer/songwriter and an aspiring author.