Consent in the social media age

A TikTok creator posted a joke claiming that his worst nightmare is for someone to say “I found your Parents’ Facebook.” The user was referring to his countless baby pictures and videos that could be discovered on his parents’ profiles. The post attracted significant traction with more than 3,000 shares and 2,000 comments from other young people who share the same sentiment. One user, after reading everyone else’s responses, commented how proud he is that his parents did not have an account.

It has become quite normal for some parents not just to openly share the milestones, but even the most personal aspects of their child’s life. While the intentions behind the posts are often well-meaning, the practice of oversharing is not harmless and raises concerns about online ethics and the unintended consequences for the children involved. For instance, many parent-posted viral videos show their child throwing a tantrum or having a breakdown. Although these instances might be perceived as cute and entertaining by the wider online audience, we need to ask how the children featured in these videos feel about having their vulnerable moments viewed and replayed a million times, without them having a say.

Social media platforms have guidelines against explicit abuse or endangerment of minors, but the potential harm extends beyond such boundaries. As highlighted by the 2023 Atlantic article “The First Social-Media Babies Are Growing Up—And They’re Horrified,” children who grow up with their lives meticulously documented online, are dealing with the idea that their life had become a public commodity without their ability to grant consent. “Many are filling the shoes of a digital persona that’s already been created, and that they have no power to erase.” Some parents have also pointed out that even if they opted to keep their young children offline, unauthorized images and videos could still find their way on social media through friends, family, and even strangers.

The allure of financial incentives further complicates the issue. Families who chronicle their lives on platforms like YouTube and TikTok accumulate followers, sponsorships, and ad revenue. Consequently, there are parents who subject their children to potentially humiliating pranks because of the huge views and profits that funny content tends to attract.

The distress from the invasive attention brought on by these viral posts could have a lasting impact on a child’s sense of privacy, identity, and overall well-being. There are several Reddit discussion groups wherein young people with “embarrassing videos” provide each other support on how to deal with the negative consequences. In one thread, someone reassured a frustrated user that being recognized by strangers and being teased about it by your peers “will not go on forever.” In another, a suggestion was made to use the experience as a teaching moment: By making another video to address how his career as a young professional is now being affected by the viral videos from his childhood.

The challenges faced by these young individuals in grappling with their involuntary fame underscore the urgency of recalibrating our definition of consent in the social media context— especially now that we have a better understanding of how one’s online footprint lives in perpetuity. Securing consent is not just about respecting an individual’s privacy or autonomy; it’s about protecting the dignity and rights of those involved.

And since a child’s cognitive development is still ongoing, we cannot expect kids to fully comprehend the implications of having their images, stories, or experiences shared across the internet. In addition, the unbalanced power dynamic between parent and child could compromise the latter’s ability to articulate feelings of discomfort. Therefore, it is crucial to revisit what it entails for a child to give informed consent, beyond just their verbal “yes.” Perhaps genuinely taking the time to scrutinize our intentions and the potential ramifications of our post on all parties involved, could already go a long way in helping lessen unwanted digital exposure.

Social media platforms should also update their guidelines to caution against pranking children and other non-abusive content that could still compromise the well-being of their subjects and cause future emotional distress. Digital literacy initiatives should include lengthy discussions on the importance of consent and respecting personal boundaries, particularly those of children. Now that the kids are all grown up to tell us—in no uncertain terms—how these supposed endearing snapshots of their childhood feel more like a burden that continue to be an unwelcome part of their online legacy, we no longer have an excuse to handle our posts so carelessly. All of us, parents or not, bear the responsibility to introspect before sharing, and to safeguard the well-being and dignity of the individuals whose lives we broadcast online.

eleanor@shetalksasia.com